Archive for the Cartoons Category

Gorillaz Plastic Beach review.

Posted in Cartoons, comic, dead folk, holidays, news, Old memories with tags , , , , on 03/10/2010 by Titus

Holy fuck where have I been. Well to a stupid question Ima give you a stupid answer:iguana. I digress, I’ve been having the case of the-fuck-its even when I was writing up the review for Dante’s Inferno and gave up midway. I was tired, nothing was to talk about, until one of the most innovative bands, one of the best bands in the world gave news to anew album.
Gorillaz caught my eye while I was skimming around itunes low on credits, nothing to buy for 34 cents but then I notice something with Gorillaz on it, I clicked it to find out that Plastic Beach, the 3rd Kong studio album, was going to be released in…in a couple of Week! I got my jar of loose change, cashed it in for bills then got and Itune’s card (Im cheap) then began to wait. March 8th was killing me with wait.  There I sat in my desk chair swirling around like child waiting for Santa Clause to come through my fucking chimney. I facebooked it and even myspaced it in excitement (that’s what kids do these days when they’re excited right) anyway, 12:03Am March 9th, very early in the morning I refreshed my itunes to find the album was released! I clicked it and instantly it downloaded, I was disappointed since I clicked preorder and it didn’t, but I still got Gorillaz Plastic Beach deluxe itunes edition so while listening to the album for the 3rd time, I will write the review of the album!

Being a fan of the Gorillaz since their first album I’ve been use to the music and the ever changing story arc. Yes theres a story behind the characters in fact there’s a damn book that came out 2006. They have amazed me as a kid and now a a semi-man I fully understand the lyrics and the more adult things about the Gorillaz. Their first Album blew my mind even though it came out with a G-Sides which really is just the extras that should have been stuffed unto the first album. But in 2005 a greater album came out; Demon Days. This proved to be a pinacle in the Virtual band’s music career. The album put out song’s like Feel Good Inc. and Dare. The band even won some awards and held an entire concert in the Manchester Opera house. Still many of people didn’t understand the beauty of it all. Demon Days pulled me in and changed my life. Then a three or two silence sadden me once again, but D-Sides was released. This could have been a different or completely new album itself, but it resmebled more of Demon Days since Dare and People sounded alike (because they were the same beat) yet many of the other songs were different. Then a three year silence again, but Plastic Beach was revealed and happy Gorillaz with thier nike shoes were held together when the news was said.

Plastic Beach offers a new story and feel of it all. After the El Manana incident Noodle’s absence was missed and a cyborg was constructed by Murdoc, but instead of being herself she had no personality. In short she likes Twilight and Robert Patterson and thinks of them as Icons, old Noodle called them false icons. After Murdoc kidnaps 2D and Russel chases after Murdoc to Plastic Island, there a new part of the story begins. The music, to me, feels like something that I can dance and relax to. I often find myself dancing during class, well just bopping my head up and down and moving my feet around. Gorillaz are known for continuously having famous musicians help out with their music and so they have two songs with Mos Def and the Hypnotic Brass Ensemble and strange enough, Snoop Dogg. The rest are done by many other rappers who have done songs in Demon Days and their first album like Del. If you have the deluxe edition or (by some chance) the Japanese edition you get a load of awesome shit that you should be proud to have, extra songs, which, are only orchestra music, but damn it, it’s the Gorillaz.

Out of the 18 (deluxe) songs of Plastic Beach I have at least 11 favorite songs already. The real ones that stick out of the nice and beautiful music  have got to be Superfast Jellyfish, Some Kind of Nature and Glitter Freeze. Like said about the deluxe edition, you get extra crap that’s worth it. You get the Stylo music video in HD which stars Bruce Willis (Hero) and a pair of Gorillaz that look handsomely beautiful and older, which, if your a fan or good at paying attention, can see that Jamie Hewlett wants to keep this band organically digtal and up to date.

Plastic Island is something that can ship you away to another world once you get use to the ‘Gorillaz in a happy mood’. See what I did there? For those who see it in a store and that curious feeling happens to you then I say that you should pick this, Demon Days and the self-titled album to get entirely use to it all and so that you can see the evolution of the band. But if you can only afford one, then pick up Plastic Island, you will not regret this island resort’s waters. I give this Album 5 Stars out of 5. Bless you all

Advertisements

Blast from the not so long gamer past: Hellboy:The Science of Evil

Posted in Cartoons, comic, dead folk, Movies, news, Old memories, Tv Shows, Videogame with tags , , , , , , on 01/29/2010 by Titus

Hellboy: The Science of Evil. A game that was released around the same time as the movie Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. I am a fan of Mike Mignola’s work and most of the Hellboy series and Del Toro’s work with movies. The game is produce by both Del Toro and Mignola. When released the reviews were harsh. IGN gave it a 3 out of 10 and so did much of the major game reviewers of the net.

Nazi1:"Should we help Claus?" Nazi2:"Shit dude I don't think that's a great Idea."

After reading said reviews I was shocked and displaced. I wanted to play the game for so long. I heard about and it seemed like a really great game. But take it from me most reviews aren’t true. All the reviews for Alone in the Dark said that the game was horrible and pointless. I disagree, I found the game to be interesting and very challenging. Sure it had it’s moments, but I got over them.

The game is made by Konami, a hit and miss company. Their only hits have been Metal Gear Solid, Zone of the Enders and something else that I care not to remember. But also to mention that this isn’t the first HellBoy game ever made. This is the second, but its possibly the last due to the fact that not many cared for this game. The first game; Hellboy: Asylum Seeker, which was for the playstation, but is a total flop, the graphics were horrible, character design was shit and it didn’t go very well. It can be downloaded on the playstation network I think. The game takes place mainly in Romania, but takes you to places like Okinawa, Japan and a Nazi castle. Hellboy isn’t always alone, he’s either having snappy comments about his enemies, dying people or just in general skeletons that he talks to. And there’s multiplayer for you and your friend(s)

Now this happens when you don't have friends, you being the frog monster

Like I said the game is a general Beat ’em up and of course I like the story that Mike wrote up for it. Your hunting down a witch in Romania, but it starts out in a graveyard. Later you flashback to 25 years ago when your in Japan stopping an Evil Nazi’s plan. Also the Nazi has a robot-Nazi-gorilla called number 4 working for him. Then you flash back to Romania. The story is very very good, but if your a fan of Hellboy and only enjoy anything that deals with the comics or movies then you shouldn’t play this game, but if your open minded about 3 separate stories, then you can play should play the game. But honestly, fanboys keep an open mind about this.

I loved the movies and I read a lot of the books, but to me the game is an extension, of the mythos. What gets me though, is why do many fan boys hate the game, but not the movies and animated movies? Meh, cant please them all I guess. The controls are able to getting use to, but the X button will be your best friend, next to the Y button. If you have seen the movies or read the comics, you know for a fact that next to the hand of doom HellBoy uses his gun to do most of the talking. You of course get to use his gun, and it’s many types of bullets. There’s explosive, shotgun, fireflies, crystals, flowers (don’t ask) and so on and so forth. The right hand does come in handy. When you click both sticks (hah) you go into Hellfire mode which doesn’t last long, but helps when your in a though spot.

The game, of course, does have it’s many of downsides. Let’s start with the ammo. Christ when it runs out, your fucked when you need. One part of the game has to make so frustrated about this one type of ammo that you need to go back and grab some more, but when it runs out. The Nazi zombies wont die.

Except for this guy. He wasn't a very good Nazi.

The combat isn’t that bad, there’s no combos, just only x-x-x-x then that’s it, a few Y’s here and there, but that’s it. Done. You can charge your right hand of doom, by holding down y, but your enemies can get a good hit on you by then. Sometimes, you can get achievements for doing stupid things like jumping off a cliff 20 times. Killing 25 or 10 or 50 enemies with certain weapons. I guess those can be good things, I guess. The game leaves out most of the characters that are able to be played. Like Abe and Liz. I’m a fan of Abe. Liz…not so much. Lobster Johnson, yeah funny haha, but total badass.

The enemies are difficult and very annoying. In the Romania level, when your in the town, Hellboy can be ridden by the homunculus (I think that’s what they are), they tell you the controls to take them little bastards off your back, but it rarely works. Also some of the boss battles, are short lived and aren’t very, boss like.

Then there are some who act like bosses, but die like bitches

The good side is that, it’s Hellboy, c’mon you can’t get more awesome than that. Your gun cant keep the enemies back so you can get a few good punches in there. The Y button also helps puch away a lot of enemies. The one-liners do help keep Hellboy more funny and well in character. The settings are great and right for the Hellboy universe. The enemies are cool and makes me love the game more. Since it’s a beat ’em up it has to be repetitive, it suits the game well. The character designs are almost reminiscent of the animated series ones. Hellboy’s finishing moves on his enemies are funny and badass yet repetitive. Some of the puzzles can be tricky, but everything has an answer and if you can’t get by them then just continue beating the ever loving shit out of your enemies with your fists, swords or the many types of ammo that’s at your disposal. The extras are fairly enjoyable. Behind the scenes, interviews and beautiful art.

Well at least he's already dead.

Now for the decision. The game offers up little bad gameplay and controls, but honestly it can be forgiven. The controls aren’t a complete train wreck and the graphics aren’t either. All I’m saying is that if it was suppose to look like the comics then it’d would either look like cel-shading or just sharp, but no it’s more of the animated movies kinda style. The music, direction and style is all picked out by Del Toro. After you immerse yourself within the universe long enough and have an open mind about what your playing then you stop caring about the little parts that are bad. The game should have been put out on the marketplace instead of being sold in stores. The setting and atmosphere keep me attracted, so does that art and characters. In order to love a game like this you don’t have to be a fan at all really. Yet if you want to be more understanding of the world and characters then you should probably start reading some of the comics and watch both movies and both animated movies as well, for good measure. If you played the game and disagree then fine. But give me your reasons why you hated it and don’t be a troll. Hellboy: The Science of Evil gets a 3 out of 5 in my book. Its a rental, or if you have sometime to kill or if your in the mood for a beat ’em up then go for it.

The Top 5 movie plots that could have been solved with in minutes.

Posted in Cartoons, dead folk, Lectures, Movies, news, Old memories, Uncategorized with tags , , , on 11/14/2009 by Titus

Movies are the shit. If it weren’t for movies we would be bored as hell. We’d only be able to write books, read books, watch tv, play video games and have nothing to take a date to. But as much as I love movie there are some that are just horseshit stupid. Like plots that even a monkey addicted to smack and speed could figure out. So in honor of the new disaster movie, 2012,  this is my list of movie plots that could have been solved in seconds!

5. Never Back Downcrap

Plot: Jake leaves his school with his older brother to go live with their widowed mother. At the new school he gains a rep. because he went apeshit on another football player from the opposite team. A hot chick invites him to a party where there are a bunch of guys are kicking boxing. Soon Jake goes into the ring and gets his ass handed to him. The hot chick is digusted at her boyfriend, Ryan, who continously beats the every living shit out of Jake.

The hot chick breaks up with her boyfriend, he goes crazy and hurts her via hard grip to the arm. He says something about her weak father, Jake gets angered because his dad killed himself by drinking and driving. Ryan makes threats towards Jake and hot chick.Later Jake gets taught martial arts by Mr.Echo from Lost. He fights Ryan and wins both the girl and the fight. He also wins the top rank of being school popular.

How this could have been solved: Now when your in a fight it’d be a pussy of you to back down and take a civil way. But when you get your ass kicked, threatened and your friend’s ass gets kicked twice. You would have figured a better way of solving this problem. You have literally tons of choices to either avoid future ass kicking or giving the future ass kicking. Now to be civil you could challenge the person to a duel. No. Not Yu gi oh (fucking geek). A duel from the early years of the world. Two people get a weapon of choice, they get a distance the fire upon each other, the winner is decided by who ever lives!

Now there two more options I’d like to mention. The first is to just take thier ass to court and sue the ever living shit out of them. I mean how many accounts of harassment are there that said person has violated? I mean shit you and those who got harassed could get the millions off of the douche.

The other option is simple, do the whole duel thing, but with a twist. Make the person the hunt and you the hunter! I mean it is fair game and there’s nothing like a good hunt. I was gonna say to just blow a hole through the fuckers face.awesome

4.The Day the Earth Stood Still (both).crap2

Plot: An alien saucer lands in Washington. Klaatu and his robot Gort have come from a higher Archy of universal council, which says that if earth does not stop harming itself or in the original get rid of the nukes. Gort  or the council will kill the human race until we’re dead. Klaatu walks out of his ship then BAM! He gets shot be some asshole who thought that he was gonna get probed again.

Klaatu then sneaks away from a hospital, befriends a young boy. Later he meets the boys mother. In the original Klaatu gets shot…again. He is then is raced to the ship which he is then healed. He then leaves earth but with leaving the message of the council. In the remake he sacrifices himself to stop the ship from cleaning the planet of humans and other things. Then the movie ends.

How this could have been solved: Well first off, who gave the damn order to shoot the fucking peaceful alien? Second, if some alien flying around in space sees both movies they’ll get the idea that man kind is just a bunch of trigger happy dumb-shits that enjoy fucking around with aliens that come in peace with a message. I mean shoot, Klaatu didn’t even see the ladies who sell their goods down by the corners. I’m surprised that after all of the shinnangins that he got into he just didn’t show mercy and blow up the planet without double taking while the earth exploded into little space pebbles.

All ya'll can stick this up your ass I'm outta here.

All ya'll can stick this up your ass I'm outta here.

3.Little Shop of Horrors. 01_Little_Shop_of_Horrors

Plot: Seymour buys a plant that appears from the sky and soon it grows and feeds off of blood. Yet as it grows it gains more of a taste for human. Seymour then kills his boss. His love interest’s boyfriend; the dentist. Near the end the plant has a plan of it’s own. Now depending on which version you see either the play or the film it matters because in the play, Seymour and Audrey are eaten by the plant. In the movie Seymour and Audrey manage to kill the plant.

How this could have been solved: Burn it…That’s all I really have to say. If that plant asked for more then a drop of my blood I would have threw that little prick in the fire place or just stomped the hell out of it. I understand that Seymour Really liked the plant and wanted to get Audrey, but to me I would have burned the little monster and then focused on the girl. Killing my boss so that a plant that talks, has teeth and loves the taste of blood would be fun for the entertainment value, but in reality I would have sold that damn plant to Ripley’s holy shit you better believe this or not. I understand that the plant got the shop alot of money flowing in, but when it told Seymour to off his boss just to be fed, Seymor should have just made a make it yourself flamethrower. Home made shit always work, right? Unless your a retard.

2.War of the Worlds. (remake) war_of_the_worlds_ver2

Plot: A normal day turns into a living hell when lighting strikes the ground, but the lighting carries pods that shoot into the ground which from what I can remember those pods go into the war machines of the Martians! Tom Cruise plays a father that tries to make the best for his two kids when the Martians start blast people into dust with thier heat rays.

Martians are jealous of Earth because we’re the closest to the sun and we have a beautiful planet while they have a very shit planet. They invade us, steal people so they can us our blood as food, but WAIT! The Earthly germs of Earth are too deadly for their pansy alien asses. They soon die out and then Morgan Freeman gives a narrating speech on how the Martians died out because of the fucking flu. Also Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning and Justin Chatowin all live.

How it could have been solved: Hmmm germs. Dont we have alot of those guys running around in our air don’t we? There had to be a meeting of scientists that were figuring a way to defeat the aliens. At that meeting there had to be one fellow scientist that said “Hey, do you guys think that using biological warfare against these invader could give us an upper hand? If we send in a person infected with some kind of deadly disease don’t you think that whence said person is being fed upon the disease will kill the Martians?” Then the entire table must have either given him death glares or just burned him at the stake like a witch

witch_JoanArc17-e

You guys suuuuuucccckkkkk!!!

But really there had to be some kind of suggestion that included the words viruses, illness, poison, aliens, bomb, idiot, Tom Cruise, Stephen Spielberg, please, don’t, look, at, me, like, that, NO! and a death scream. I mean shit mankind had biological warfare before the book and the movies were made. Cortez used germs against the Aztecs. H.G. Wells is one of my favorite authors and Steven Spielberg is one of my favorite directors/writters. He could have been a bit smart with the movie and take a different path with the movie. But then again he still did a great job with the movie.

1.Transformers:transformers-poster

Plot: Socially awkward yet cool kid Sam Witwicky gets a car because he has good grades, this car happens to be a transformer which is secretly out to get him so that the Good guys the Autobots can find the Allspark before The Decipticons do and resurrect their glorious leader Megatron! The Autobot team take Sam and Megan Fox for a trip to get the Allspark back, but Bumblebee, Sam and Megan are taken by Section7, a government made sction that specializes in transformers. Soon Megatron gets freed and then a mega million dollar all out fight between the Autobots and Decipticons are held. Autobots win because Sam blows up Megatron with the cube and then the sequel is setted up.

How this could have been solved: Ooooh wow Titus you can’t stop hating on Transformers. You hate because its awesome. Actually I hate because it has everything that idiots like. If you look into a movie for hot chicks, funny black people, Shia Leboof, Millions of dollars spent in making a film, Crappy looking robots and a horrible story then you should shove our head into an outhouse and start drinking the fluids that are in said outhouse. I will admit the movie is cool, but when I do actually look at it from a very good view as in a uniqe view. The movie is just put out there not for the nerds and fans of Transformers but for people to just watch and give Micheal Bay the money to do another shitquel- I’m sorry sequel.

The plot is so stupid and yet so easy to be solved. The Autobots make it so difficult to get the cube that they lose Jazz to Megatron. They could just told Section7 “Hey guys were here again and we need your help. The Decepticons are trying to kill some dipshit that has glasses that lead us to the Allspark. Ummm this might seem like a big favor, but can you guys just tell us where you can find a giant cube? we really dont have enough time sending our good solider to this kid so that he can bang Megan Fox in the back seat. We are being honest when I say that ‘we come in peace’.”.

The autobots could have had this whole problem solved within days and possibley without the help of Shia Leboof. Now don’t get any ideas like I have it out for Micheal Bay’s Tranformers films. It’s just that if you want to make a film that will piss me off, then just make a movie that has a very obvious plot that can be solved with a simple thing called thought then Micheal Bay has done it and it has a sequel and soon to be another sequel. If there is to be some kind of boycott of these movies then I’d gladly join up for it.

Top 10 superpowers.

Posted in Cartoons, comic, dead folk, Lectures, Movies, Old memories, Tv Shows, videogames with tags , , , , , , on 09/27/2009 by Titus

Man what I would do for to gain superpowers. The only problem is, they do tend to take horrible turns for the worst and awesome ways of making life way better. This is my top 10 list of superpowers.

10.Invincibility:

Warning: Major pansy right here.

Warning: Major pansy right here.

Yeah Awesome: Being Able to take a bullet to the head and then strangle the gunner with your hands does seem really badass. You can handle pressures that normal folk can’t handle gives you the right to say “stand back ma’am I can handle this”. You can walk into fires and walk out without a scratch. You can walk into a bar and win the fight with everybody in there. You can walk into the middle of a gang war and settle the whole fight with your fists. You can skip right into a war zone and save people. You are the best damn thing out there!

Oh shit, weakness: Sure your invincible and possibly unstoppable at the least. But you still are human on the inside. You can feel things, you can see the fear inside those who are afraid of you, you could kill somebody on accident and be sent to jail. You could try to rebel and be evil, but you have to sleep sometime or you can get tired given on your type of power. Like Superman it could be a type of item that can weaken you or like the Juggernaut where if your held still you can’t destroy everything in your path. Maybe the scientists can get your blood sample or silica to make an antidote to stop your unstoppable ass.

9.Immortality:

Great game. Great immortal

Great game. Great immortal

That’s what i thought. Yeah Awesome: You can move along the ages of the world without death’s cold grip on your soul. Your power over life is gracious. You can go to clubs and get drunk and not die of alcohol-poisoning, well unless you have the type of immortality that matter’s with whole age only and if you get shot in face you die motherfucker die type of immortality. Hitting on girls does take time to improve on, but hey you have your whole immortality to work on it. If you do have the type of immortality in which you can survive anything and live forever than possibilities are endless. You could walk into the ocean and discover crap that some normal folk can’t. You could be sent into space and witness things that would blow your mind. You are almost a god!

Oh shit, weakness: Not a day goes by in which you screw somebody and think to yourself. “Wow, Im a million years old and I still never got with that one babe in my math class.” or “Jeez, I never thought about having so many kids. They’re all dead by now.” Your life will be plauged with the death of those who have gotten close to you. Your life will be filled with oddities, but you will leave a mark in those of who you got with and they’d soon notice at their death bed’s that you’ve never changed, literally. You havn’t change since the day you two met. Sure you could actually go to the depths of the ocean and and go away into deep space, but your memory is forever, you can never forget. If your the only immortal then your alone in the world. Your going to be completely alone and sad, the worst part is. You can’t off yourself.

8.Invisibility:

Jim Hoffa had superpowers...

Look at the smug look on his face...oh wait.

Yeah Awesome: Ever had an embarrassing moment in which you just wanted to disappear? Remember that time that all your friends dared you to go into the chick’s locker room? Remember that time when you felt like being invisible? Well, would ya look at that you are invisible! Now remember invisibility comes with alot of responsibility, but you already knew that right…well whatever. Next time that kid starts to make fun of you, you can just get the jump on his blind ass, and by blind I mean you could possibly throw dirt or paint thinner into his eyes. it all depends on what visibility you have if it’s the kind that ensures that both you and your clothing is invisible then your all good. If it’s the kind where if your still wearing your clothes and you look like a god damn ghost, well that’s sort of a perk. I mean if you have the not-going-invisible-clothes invisibility then your going commando into the girl’s locker room.

Oh shit, weakness: Well besides the fact that your almost the master of assassins and spies you do have a few problems with your invisibility. The whole clothes not disappearing thing is not good considering that your still slighty visible. And with some account that you Do sneak into the girl’s locker room there’s a slight chance that when you do see the babes undress your “emotion” could make you visible which doesn’t really put you into a great situation. Think of all of the possibly ways of nobody finding you when your invisible. When crossing the street turns deadly. When getting into a car crash and being forever invisible and dead is pretty bad. When trying to get attention because your permittly invisible and you need help turning back. The list is almost endless.

7.Flight/Levitation:

FEAR ME YOU PRICKS!!

FEAR ME, YOU PRICKS!!

Yeah, awesome: Turn your life around by skipping class and flying through the skies as fast as you can go! Your ability can make you as free and an eagle. Your probably thinking on your next destination on which to travel to, whether it’s a nice beach or cool exotic location in the Caribbean, you dont know and you don’t care as long as you fly from point A to point B. You zoom past your school, job and the boring parts of life!

Oh shit, Weakness: Sure it’s loads of fun going through the air and almost breaking the sonic barrier and possibly rob a bank for money, but have it ever occurred to you that your movements are being watched. Now dont think that other freaks are watching you or aliens are watching you. Your flight patterns are monitored by the military. Your on the radar and the government might notice you as either an unauthorized craft or ufo. Knowing any countries government, they’ll see you as a threat. Either way you might be shot down. Im pretty sure that you can’t take on a stinger  missile head on.

6.Mind control:

"Now take off your clothes and call me The Dark one...oooh yeah."

"Now take off all your clothes and call me The Dark one."

Yeah, awesome: Your boss is a dick, a chode. He always busts your ball for no good reason. He had sex with your wife to prove something: That he’s better than you. One day you just sit there in your cubicle, twitting your thumbs. A thought pops in: I wish boss would staple he face to the desk and lights his balls on fire. Soon screams can be heard. You run to the source of the screams and surprise surprise What you thought just came true. Every little thing you think up about somebody they’ll do it. You start to move things around with your mind, weight lifting shit is easy when you can pick up a can of cola and then chuck it at a hobo. Then you’ll pick up that hobo and then chuck him at a little kid. Soon not only are you the boss of your own company, you able to create anything you can think of. Once again your almost a god!

Oh shit, Weakness: Sure you might be able to take on the world, but Im sure that with all this power your mind has been taking a toll on your whole mentality. One second your wife is in love with you then second her corpse is splattered against the side of the wall because she admitted that she cheated on you with the gardener. Skank. You can’t take it anymore, anybody that gets near you either turns into something weird like a chimpanzee that farts waffles or you turn their inards into the paint on the wall. There’s almost no way you can undo the evil things you did. Usually the government would step in and capture, dissect and experiment with your powerful brain. Hopefully you can use what power you have left and reverse time to the moment of your boss lighting his testicles on fire.

4. Shapeshift:

Ok, long story short, it's both a vampire and werewolf. Still can transform.

Ok, long story short, it's both a vampire and werewolf. Still can transform.

Yeah awesome: Transformation is badass. You want to be a tiger, your a tiger. You want to be a dragon, well dont start burning down the town. When you want to blend into a crowd all you need to do is become a different person. You are the master of disguise. Now once again there are many interpretations of shapeshifters. One is that you can only turn into a wolf…boring. Another is just animals. My favorite is everything. When you go hunting the deer wont know what fucking broke it’s neck and shot it in the brains. You could be another person and confuse them and everybody around them. Who,what,when,where and why is just what your a master at avoiding.

Oh shit, Weakness: Well after a few hundred persona changes your wondering on who the hell you might really be. i mean are you that guy who was just on the news for an alledged burglary? Or are you that girl who o.d’d on meth and you just turned into her to make her family happy again. You were somebody, but now your anybody. That and given that you do turn into somebody, that certain somebody might be on a hitlist or they might be up for a beatdown. Watch your back.

3.Mind Reading:

"So that's where they hide my remote, the brutes!"

"So that's where they hid my remote control for the tv, the swine!"

Yeah,awesome: Ok I could be a dick for doing this one because this sort of goes in the same catagory as mind control, but I see them both as two different things. Anyway, when having the ability to read minds your life changes. One second your talking to your best friend. You then read their mind to only find out that they hate your guts and think that your annoying as fuck. You soon read the minds of people who are hiding secrets. You can slmost predict on what people are up to. Your ability to read the thoughts of others can go into the possibility of digging deep into the sub-consions of your peers and then everything starts to pour into your head, everything you want to know about that person becomes clear. Soon you can see that even the most annoying person is really just a sad little ego energized prick. If your powers become more stronger maybe interrogation could just be a blink of the eye. Hopefully you dont fully invade another person’s mind, you might make their skull explode.

Oh shit, Weakness: Yeah going into people’s minds: fun. Discovering many dark secrets and other shit that’s not really great to see: Bad. The idea is great it’s just the reality is people are fucking crazy. People have very, very disturbing minds. Like I said, you read your friends mind and then you discover that they hate your fucking guts. That’s not great to know. There’s a slight possibility that you don’t read your friend’s mind and your read that crazy kid’s mind in the back. Your head will be full of horrid images and other things that are scary on many levels. And with the possibility of making a person’s skull explode or just giving them a really evil headache could be possible if your brain is really really strong with the whole mind reading. If not you may have a backfire with your plans.

2.Ultimate knowledge:

einstein

Oh yeah, Awesome: I hate tests dont you. I also hate my I.Q. at which I dont know what number level it is at currently. Wish you knew what your crush wants? Wish you had the right answer to what the cops were asking you? Simple if your a super genious. Your whole day would be simple with school and at your job. Teacher says that you’re wrong then just correct her up the ass. The boss askes you why you have been called into his office, you can just tell him the answer and tell him something very disturbing about his wife. You can be a one man scientific team. You can find the cure for cancer, diabetes and hiv all in one month. You can make Stephen Hawkins go crazy in his robo-chair. Space travel would be a scrrible away. You are the cure to mostly what’s wrong with our planet!

Oh shit, Weakness: With a great amount of knowledge of everything it seems that your too busy with saving the planet. Too busy to pay attention of your current condition, the condition is that your losing all of your humanity. Your becoming a Doctor Manhattan almost

Say that you met this really nice girl and you two hooked up because you knew what she loved and since you know everything you knew everything about her. Well you knew her, but she doesn’t know you anymore! You have a dark side of things. You know who is who and what they stand for and they’re whole entire life basically. When your done your job with this planet, man kind will discard you like a toy. Maybe if you could travel back in time with a time machine…

1.Possession:

Grrrr Not the toothpaste!

The usage of toothpaste must be denied in hell.

Yeah,awesome: Ok now you might be thinking that this doesn’t deserve be number one, well I have one thing to tell you. FUCK the  police. Nah just kidding I have a friend who’s a police officer, he’s not a pig like the other 95%. Anyway, hate living your life with everybody ridding your ass like a camel with a fat chick on your back? Well posse a person and go on a killing spree, exit the body and then reak some more hell. If your a good enough posseror then you will leave your body and control the person or object and if you die as that person you will return to your body alive. Being picked on by some guy then posses the dude, make him walk into on coming cars and then leave at the last moment. Like I said objects can be possesed as well. Can you say floating knife fight?

Oh shit, Weakness: Well if your possession consists of your body being turned into whatever you turn into your find, but most of the time. Your body is just a shell. When you lose that husk of yours then it’s freeball for your husk-ass. Plus you could lose the time to go into something then and the time when you go back to your body. if your astral projecting then that’s completely different. If your in the form of smoke you might disappear. If a liquid then you might evaporate. Yeah this is a double edged sword right here. And you could posse something that you may not want to possess and that object might be something that goes somewhere that’s not clean…

Notable Mentions: Teleportation. Phasing.

nightcrawler-1

Teleportation is something that can beat flying and super strength. I personally love this power, hallways would be simple to get through. My favorite superhereo Nightcrawler can teleport. And thanks to the whole supersede thing, he can’t get stuck in walls or people. Life would be simple if teleportation was real. The only problem is, what if you have some much on your mind that you go to the wrong place. From what I understand you have to concentrate on the exact spot that you have to teleport to. If not your going places. And what if you do teleport and accidentally teleport in somebody. Will you die or will that person explode like a paintball hitting a wall? It must be pretty tricky teleporting. Yet it’s a bad ass gift.

Somebody is gonaa get a bitchslap

Somebody is gonna get a bitchslap.

While phasing through things you can go through anything, anyone at anytime. Yes this is a great way of getting through lines quicker and possibly lookng for things more easily. Your almost like a ghost if you have that kind of power. Now all of that is wonderful, but what if you turn solid and somebody is in your way? What the hell would happen? it’s a once again what if kinda qeustion. Would you two fuse together or would you both painfully die? I don’t know and I think both outcomes would bad horribly bad. But running through people and ripping out thier organs does sound fun at the least.

Top 10 things wrong about animes.

Posted in Cartoons, comic, Lectures, Movies, news, Old memories, Tv Shows with tags , , , , , , , , on 09/06/2009 by Titus

Once again I found a way to make a list about crap. Here’s my list about the many things wrong with animes.

10. The smart/shadowy guy with glasses.

Look at him, thinks he's so cool, but he's really just a douche.

Look at him, thinks he's so cool, but he's really just a douche.

Why wrong: Give me one single anime show and I’ll point out the first asswipe who’s shadowy and smart and likes to think everybody as imbeciles, fools and the sorts. It can be annoying to watch one show to see it appear in another and another and another. It’s easy to identify this kinda guy, just wait until the second, third or fifth episode to notice this guy on top of the school roof, in a corner, in a shadow. Trust me when he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. I want jam those fuckin’ glasses down his throat. No homo.

9. Goofy/slutty girls.

[picture not available because Im not looking that shit up!]

Why wrong: Well I’ve seen enough animes in my lifetime to say this. Almost all the chicks in the cartoons either have big knockers, are silly or like the main character or the villain or some bug-eyed freak in the show. I understand that having a vagina in the show will effect the protagonist and antagonist, but isn’t it enough when the girl has big boobs and acts like a ten year old pumped full of sugar and has the strength of eight men. In reality chicks with big bazookas are hard to get and aren’t as nice as anime girls. To add another they usually have magically powers to heal people.

8.over-reacting to being denied something.

Alittle bitch right here.

"Umm sir can you please calm down. I do love my life. Alot."

Why wrong: Say that if a anime person asks for a cookie and the person says no. You’ll get a person who will look something like the dude above. And by chance he will have powers that will obliterate an entire city. When somebody denies me a cookie I do ask why and not break his neck while asking. If the person says that I dont deserve one then hey who am I to say that I do, karma. While in japan they do deserve the cookie and kill that person and a couple hundred pedestrians just for the cookie.

7.Mecha mecha mecha!

Hahaha this is real hahaha Im laughing because one day it'll be able to work hahahaha

Hahaha this is real hahaha Im laughing because one day it'll be able .to work hahahaha we're fucked,

Why wrong: Japan is famous for alot of things giant monsters and robots  being two of those thousands famous things. I dunno why I put this here because theres a few shows that I like that have giant robots kicking each others asses, but there’s a limit to how many shows should have giant robots. American cartoons do have a few giant robots here and there but not like Japanese cartoons and if it’s not giant robots it giant monsters or animals.

6.Spirit animals/creatures.

The spirit is in the toy...

The spirit is in the toy...

Why wrong: Much like everything else on the list anime characters can also be powered by a spirit or animal essence. Like a tiger or more beloved dragon. They then gain the powers of the elements or whatever the power the monster or animal had. If somebody had the power of a dog and is able to run full speed, Id capture the kid (which it usually is a kid who has  the power) then dissect the kid or torture the kid to harness the power. Evil? Nope.

5.Kids with powers.

While having powers your hair grows for some awesome reason.

While having powers your hair grows for some awesome reason.

Why Wrong: Give a kid a knife. Somebody is about to be either stabbed, threatened or nothing at all. In anime the kids learn to control or not control their power. If they can control their power they are confronted with people who are extremely evil-er and powerful then the kid and at the end of season the kid beats the villain and gains greatness. For the ones where they can’t control their power they are faced with samurais or some person with powers who are up to the task of teaching the kid to handle the powers. If I had super powers and invincibility then our soldiers would be home right now and I’d drop out of school.

4.Cosplayers.

Like I said giant robots...everywhere.

Like I said giant robots...everywhere.

Why wrong: Holy shit are you kidding me. Watch comic-con or better yet Go to comic-con and look for a group of cosplayers that dress up as anime characters. Japan is sorta filled to the brim with these people. If you see a villain in a videogame from japan, odds are you will see them hanging out with their enemies. Let’s say there was a holy-con where people dressed up like people from the bible. You might see Satan and god drinking a slurpy while talking about the families they once had. And it’s just stupidly scary on how many kids in America dress up like some anime characters. I know people the know people who do dress up, I try to keep my distance

3.over usage of crying.

[picture not here because it’s too sad]

Why wrong: Everybody cries, even the toughest G.I. hey that rhymed. Anyway, in anime you will find out that if you yell at somebody they will either explode with a kamehameha or explode into tears. Chicks cry, but guys will cry because a chicks crying and the giant monster is dead or captured by the evil fucking government. There’s really not much here to say. I mean if your crying your either depressed to hell or your an emo. Maybe both.

2.Perverted old men.

Fuckin' panda with your sign that I can't read.

Fuckin' panda with your sign that I can't read.

Why wrong: If anime has tought me one thing it’s that all old men are perverts that want some of the stuff girls have concealed. Yes, they want to bone a girl. Not steal they’re guns or superpowers. It must be something that alot of old Japanese guys have in common in Japan. I guess they like to look up girl’s skirts, try to rape them or just watch alot of porn. Dirty old men must be most of the Japanese population or something because they’re in alot of animes. Well we got one and he’s in family guy!

1.Gallons of blood.

She's okay, she just lost some blood thats all.

She's okay, she just lost some blood that's all.

Why wrong: If you watch a violent anime you will notice that a person can take a cannon or sword to the stomach and walk away while singing I’m walking on sunshine. An anime character can lose up to 90.9% of blood and still fight on. In reality when we reach about 40-60% of blood lose we give the fuck up. If you shove a 5 foot wide and 19 foot long spear through an anime character they will gasp, fall down minutes later wake up stumble, fall down wake up with a bandages around the wound and continue fighting demon-monster-ghost-aliens. If you can lose that much blood and do all of that above then your either superhuman, wolverine,but more of a pussy or your an anime character. The damages anime characters can take are just ridiculous. Most of the time they’re bodies are either super powered or spiritual powered. Fucking anime, your wronger than Micheal Jackson Rising from the grave again.

Notable Mentioned:Endless seasons after endless seasons!! Now when there’s a show that’ helps gather the fan base’s money in merch. then that’s awesome, but after it hits it’s 5th season and the story is still as it was in the begining then just give up. But wait the guys who get the money think “Well lets just make it last a little longer I mean hopefully they will give us another season.” Which in reality they usually will because hey who doesn’t like money?

Top 5 Worst way to meet your maker.

Posted in Cartoons, dead folk, holidays, Lectures, Movies, news, Old memories, Uncategorized with tags , on 09/02/2009 by Titus

This is my list on how death could be both funny and the worst on dying, either slowly or quickly.

5. Major bullet wounds.

The scenario: Your walking to your girlfriends house, her neighbor hood isn’t the best. You pass by a pack of skater kids, one asks you for money, politely. Well this day isn’t the best day since you forgot your wallet at home and even if you did, why would you give any to this kids? You tell him that you don’t have any on you, and continue walking. He skates up to you and asks again. You tell his goofy looking ass ‘no’ again. He takes a puff of a roach and pulls a gun on you and shoot’s you at close-range at your shoulder, hip and stomach. He take’s your phone and pisses on your soon to be dead corpse.

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Given that you just took a bullet to the stomach, hip and shoulder your wound will be filling up like a fat kid at a buffet. The wounds will be filling with bacteria and soon death will be next to your horrible smelling body. You’ll be dead in an hour or possibly minutes if nobody seen your punk-ass be shot. Also, Death will most likely piss on your dead body.

4.Motor scooter crash.

The scenario: You and your beautiful love are scooting along the coast with a view that only comes once in a lifetime. As you notice the view your also notice the sharp turn up a head. You hit the brakes and apparently you haven’t ridden your scooter in years because your brakes just gave out. Both tires popped btw. The scooter starts to thrash around because you try to turn it sharply to a halt. Then be for you and your love fall off things go blank for a sec. maybe god took your soul before you felt the grisly pain of death. Sorry to say, but your eyes open up and your on the jetties on the shore-line. Your love? Well they’re floating around face-up and maybe alive, who knows. You try to move your legs, nope. They’ve been brutal fucked up. Move your arms, well your left one works, your right; by some chance. Is stuck in a hole between two rocks, moving it gives you excruciating pain. Where is that bastard in that black hood?

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Given that your still alive. Can’t move your legs. Left arm can still function, right arm is magically stuck. Love is in limbo. I didn’t mention the fact that you had a phone on you, problem is the love had it in her purse. The purse is close, but the only way to get it is if you rip your arm off and crawled to it. You’d lose alot more blood then you’ve already lost. You pray to god that the love isn’t dead and is soon to wake up- and they’re are currently being eating by a shark. Well your bleeding out, but not by alot. This could take 4 or half a day for you to die. Start praying to god…or the devil. Maybe somebody will notice the wreckage by the side of the road. That’ll be the best bet, wait the road did say closed for construction. Is that death on a skidoo?

3. Being paralyzed and stuck in the middle of the ocean.

The scenario: It’s a beautiful day to fish. You and your buddy. Let’s call your buddy Jet, because he’s a badass. Well you and Jet are zooming in your nice speedboat. You guys are the attention of the day. When you two flying by the babes their tops, just fly off. You are so badass that you crank up the tunes, your listening to some Motzart, but you feel it’s the symphony of destruction. Jet and you get up to the drop off point, where the reef just drops off. You and Jet are so badass that you start to drink some Rolling Rock and lots of it. You and your friend Jet start to make jokes about fishing. Jet mentions that he’s the ” Master-baiter” you and your drunken rage kill Jet some how with book about fishing, an empty bottle and a dead fish. Well your mind starts to function again seeing that Jet have been fucked up beyond belief. Since your mind has just erased the part where you killed your bud, you think there’s a monster in the water and it’d came up while you were “asleep” and raped Jet. In a quick panic you push Jet’s corpse out of boat and into the water, but taking all his valuables before you dump his dead ass out of the boat. You start to drive back to the docks so that you can tell everybody your unbelievable story. As your driving you start to drink a bottle of whiskey. What the worst that can happen, you also eat some brownies that Jet liked to eat alot. Soon you see the monster that killed Jet until he was dead. You drive the boat right into the prick in hopes of tearing it’s ass up. Well you’ve done it now, as your sky turns a purple hue and your body feels like it’s in jello. The jello is hard to move in, infact you can’t move.

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Well you come to your senses again, damn monster, ate your boat and made you paralyzed. Good thing that your wearing a life preserver…wait wasn’t Jet wearing one aswell? Can’t think about Jet, you have to worry about yourself. Given that you might drown because you are slipping out of your life jacket, slowly. Your legs start to be tugged around. Sound you notice that the sea monster is back, the butt munch. You scream in hopes that you can scare the monster away. Well it seems like you have either second or minutes before you are sea food. Huh, death isn’t anywhere around this time where the hell is he? Wait, no that’s just the monster doing a back stroke…in a black hood.

2.Trapped in a burning building.

The senario: You hate your job and your work place. The cubicals make you want feel like everybody has been sorted into boxes and ready to be packaged into the depths of oblivion. It could be worst, there could be an explosion and all your co-workers could die horribly and melt like plastic soliders. Boom! Well thanks alot now you’ve pissed of the gods. You fall over and duck under your desk in hope of it being a earthquake. You here somebody scream about a terrorist attack, you think to yourself “Shit, the odds of this happening…well I did jinx everybody. Had it coming.” You notice that there’s nobody running around like chickens without heads. You get out from beneath your desk to investigate. You notice the smoke above your head and it is just getting hot as hell up in here. You crawl to the window to see what’s going on outside. Everybody is outside, except you. As you notice the  people outside, you try to remember your fire training from your days in school. And it is getting hotter than one time with that chick that you met at the bar and- never mind that, awkward sex doesn’t matter in this situation.
The only thing that does matter is making like a tree and getting the fuck out of there. You crawl your way quickly to the only elevator. You press the button to summon it up to you. You have your hand close to the door when it arrives to see if it was in the hell-hole below. You feel now heat, just to be sure you put your hand on the door. You hear a sizzle…your hand is now in mega pain. Retreating to the escape stairs is the best idea for the moment. That and jumping out the window and that one doesn’t seem very…uhhh safe. As you crawl to the escape stairs the floor collapses beneath you. I notice that your almost out of the building you stand up and notice that the air is clean and you see a door marked with and exit sign. You walk to the door with a great big smile before an explosion blasts you into the door. Also your on fire now.

How soon will you be meeting you maker: Not only are you on fire, your at the exit and there could be some fire fighters and ambulances out there. You gain some control and barge through the exit door. To only fall down a flight of stairs. Im pretty sure that the fall wasn’t that lovely and the fire is burning through the clothes and skin. The fumes of your burning flesh slowly kill you when inhaled. You basically got seconds to live. The last image you see is death pissing your flames out.

1. Falling from a height.

The scenario: You’ve been through alot lately. Your wife divorce you, your fourth wife to be exact. You don’t have a care in the world. You’re tough, you’re a sexy person. You’ll get another babe in no time. You check out the Stuarts and she checks you out. It’s all good. Then her head explodes. Your plane is being hijacked. You take out the bastard who shot the Stuart’s face off. You ask him how many more terrorists there are. He’s tells you in plan English that there’s no more only him. You notice that his earing is beeping. Beep……..beep……..beep. You know whats going on here, your ex wife is trying to kill you. You quickly grab a parachute and unlock the air tight door. YOu open the door and the suction pulls you out of the plane. Amazingly you miss the engine. You look back towards the plane to notice that it’d not exploded. Infact for the first few minutes you notice that it never doesn’t explode. The ex must have had a plan for you to jump off the plane and die from the inpact. Then you realize that the bomb was a bluetooth headset. You feel like a dick. Well you’re getting close to the ground you should open up your parachute. you pull the string and the doesn’t work, the emergency string doesn’t work aswell. Your screwed.

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Your falling. Your picking up speed and crying isn’t really gonna do a thing for you. Maybe cursing out your ex on your phone. Nope she just hung up. The ground is getting bigger and you just finished your prarir to god and satan. You also look at the horizon. It’s a once in a lifetime view. Maybe you’ll be alive from the impact, just crippled or something. The smile on your face insures that the afterlife will be good no matter where you go. You move your sights to the ground, right before you know it. Death has laid out a target and is waiting for you to crash.

Video of the week.

Posted in Cartoons, dead folk, holidays, news, Old memories, Tv Shows, video of the week with tags on 08/31/2009 by Titus

Today’s video  is that of something I remeber from my childhood. When I was about 7 or 8 I use to listen to White Zombie and well Rob Zombie; both the same band. Now your probably thinking “ugh Rob Zombie, what the fuck are you doing Titus?” Well considering that Rob Zombie released his version of Halloween 2, well that and I just love this fucking song. Rob Zombie is one intresting guy, you remember Bevis&Butt-head: Do America right? If you have seen it there’s this one scene where Bevis and Butt-head are going through these weird hullusinations. Rob Zombie Did that whole scene. He’s pretty cool, just check out most of his music videos and you’ll start to notice something that they all have in common. Remember, when seeing Halloween 2 don’t try to think it as a remake, but think of it as a retelling of the original Halloween 2.