Archive for death

Top 5 executions

Posted in comic, dead folk, Lectures, Movies, Old memories with tags , , , , , on 02/02/2010 by Titus

How you die is interesting in a psychopathic way. Would you rather be mauled to death by a rabid beaver or be raped by a clown on LSD. Now  did a whole death thing before, but by request and with enough free time I’m gonna give my list of top executions.

5. Firing squad:
History: During times of war this method of execution was used alot. Almost every country has used this method of shooting the fuck out of a prisoner. USA, Canada (I’m shocked too!), Brazil, Mexico, Indonesia, Ireland, Philippines, Finland and many more. The convict, prisoner or the condemned will be either placed against a wall, sitting, or tied to a post. But with every execution, would you enjoy your very moments staring down the barrel of a rifle? Didn’t think so. So There’s an option of either being blindfolded or actually staring down the barrel with pants shitting fear.  But A rifle isn’t the only fear installing weapon, the officers pulling the trigger can use a handgun instead you have to be turned around though, Pants shitting terror still plastered on the inside of your pants.

Usefulness: Execution by firing squads are popular in media. Escape From Sobibor, A Skit on an episode of Whitest Kids U’Know and Monty Python’s Flying Circus had a firing squad episode. But to be truthful if your a new nation trying to grow and you have a few traitors and spies during your time of war Pulling off a Firing Squad will infact be a total FUCK YOU to whoever your at war with. But you have to go through all that trial and jury shit so that won’t be much fun.

4. Nitrogen Asphyxiation:

History: Choking somebody by hand seems pretty boring and long if you don’t have enough grip, strength and time that you need to choke the convict and it’s not all that entertaining when it becomes some kind of sick eroctiasphyxiation session. But isn’t there an easier way? Why of course there is! You choke the shit out of the person with Nitrogen! Yes Nitrogen. Some jerk scientist thought that it was better to kill the person by choking them slowly until they are unconscious then or course death. In 1995 it was said to be an execution that “Kills with Kindness”…it’s a nice thing to know that they gave it a name that seems to be abit friendly with the kids of today. The situation is almost as equal to gas chambers plus nitrogen is cheap, go figure.

Usefulness: Well seeing that Argon is expensive so is Helium. Nitrogen is cheap possibly because there’s an abundance of it in the atmosphere. Given that it beats getting shot up, stabbed, hanged, electrocuted or decapitated, your still losing your oxygen supply and dying, very very slowly, but your going to sleep painfully. They took Helium out possibly because it would be fun as fuck watching the guy talk with a funny voice until he dies much like many of the Joker’s victims.

3.Crushing:

HOLY FUCK!

History: This one is interesting in the whole “Jesus Christ you just crush a person” execution style. Much like many of executions this one is simple yet fun. This execution is simplistic and entertaining. Have enough force upon your enemy and soon they will be an dead guy pancake. Like shown above, Many cultures spent their days punishing their enemies and convicts by squishing them like bugs. But sadly and thankfully many countries of today don’t execute condemned inmates like this anymore, why? I’ll tell ya why. It’s because We’re more advanced damn it!

Usefulness: Well To be honest these kinda executions are not very useful in these modern times given that many humans are now robots and crushing their metallic bodies won’t do us any good against them, they have Wifi. But Before modern times when our enemies had breakable bones and emotions; not emoticons. It was fun to see the emotion on the convict’s pitiful face. It gave many people the idea for many movie deaths and video games. Shit crushing our opponent in a video game, Super Mario Bros. basically pushed forward the idea of crush people, well take LSD then crush people/flying turtles/mushrooms. Then we all remember that death scene from Austin Powers International Man of Mystery

2.Impalement:

Double penetration?

History: This one goes far back into history and across the lands. It’s mostly known to be Vlad “The Impaler” Dracula’s favorite way of execution. Now sticking a giant sharp stick into somebody can be tricky. There  are tons of holes to stick it in; no pun intended. There were about two ways to impale a person, three if it’s a woman *wink*. The anus, mouth and vag are the three ways to impale a convict or just in general somebody who had it coming. Impaling by anus and vag are lethal. Yet of course science looked into it. By vaginal impalement your dead, but when you get impaled anally, your alive even when you have the spike sticking out of your mouth.  But you’d Of Course be in an extreme amount of pain. Broken pelvis, ribs, brutally damaged organs and of course your jaw would either detach or snap. The spike some time wouldn’t go all the way and just stop by the organs, if luck you die from being brutally raped by a spike.

Usefulness: Well it did wonder for Vlad and it still does. Seeing a vast land filled by rows of corpses and spikes sticking out of them. And for more Horrific shit points, pull a “Dracula” and drink the blood that for sure will scare the holy fuck out of your enemies. And possibly draw some unwanted followers; Vampire lovers.

and Willem Defoe

1.Curb-stomp:

History: The legacy of this execution move is mysterious, but it’s be around for a while, I’m sure that Jesus might have even performed a curb stomp on some sinners back in the day. Curb-Stomping has recently been a new and cool way to off your opponent. Yet it hasn’t been tooken up with officials yet, probably because it’s a pretty barbaric way of Offing a convict or prisoner. Making them bite curb or a rock and then river stomp on their fragile skull. Curb-Stomping is a new trend for kids these days. I mean how pissed is the dentist gonna be when the patient comes in? Right?

"This will teach you a fuckin' lesson!"

Usefulness: If your in a gang, which everybody is now an’ days, you know that doing anything violent to another gang member can leave horrific trauma into the enemy’s subconscious. No matter how barbaric it could be, this is another way to put a person out of their misery. The waiting of when the boot to the head is killer. It’s torturous and painful.I can only give one movie that I can recall that has a Curb-Stomp death scene and that movie is American History X:

Top 5 Worst way to meet your maker.

Posted in Cartoons, dead folk, holidays, Lectures, Movies, news, Old memories, Uncategorized with tags , on 09/02/2009 by Titus

This is my list on how death could be both funny and the worst on dying, either slowly or quickly.

5. Major bullet wounds.

The scenario: Your walking to your girlfriends house, her neighbor hood isn’t the best. You pass by a pack of skater kids, one asks you for money, politely. Well this day isn’t the best day since you forgot your wallet at home and even if you did, why would you give any to this kids? You tell him that you don’t have any on you, and continue walking. He skates up to you and asks again. You tell his goofy looking ass ‘no’ again. He takes a puff of a roach and pulls a gun on you and shoot’s you at close-range at your shoulder, hip and stomach. He take’s your phone and pisses on your soon to be dead corpse.

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Given that you just took a bullet to the stomach, hip and shoulder your wound will be filling up like a fat kid at a buffet. The wounds will be filling with bacteria and soon death will be next to your horrible smelling body. You’ll be dead in an hour or possibly minutes if nobody seen your punk-ass be shot. Also, Death will most likely piss on your dead body.

4.Motor scooter crash.

The scenario: You and your beautiful love are scooting along the coast with a view that only comes once in a lifetime. As you notice the view your also notice the sharp turn up a head. You hit the brakes and apparently you haven’t ridden your scooter in years because your brakes just gave out. Both tires popped btw. The scooter starts to thrash around because you try to turn it sharply to a halt. Then be for you and your love fall off things go blank for a sec. maybe god took your soul before you felt the grisly pain of death. Sorry to say, but your eyes open up and your on the jetties on the shore-line. Your love? Well they’re floating around face-up and maybe alive, who knows. You try to move your legs, nope. They’ve been brutal fucked up. Move your arms, well your left one works, your right; by some chance. Is stuck in a hole between two rocks, moving it gives you excruciating pain. Where is that bastard in that black hood?

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Given that your still alive. Can’t move your legs. Left arm can still function, right arm is magically stuck. Love is in limbo. I didn’t mention the fact that you had a phone on you, problem is the love had it in her purse. The purse is close, but the only way to get it is if you rip your arm off and crawled to it. You’d lose alot more blood then you’ve already lost. You pray to god that the love isn’t dead and is soon to wake up- and they’re are currently being eating by a shark. Well your bleeding out, but not by alot. This could take 4 or half a day for you to die. Start praying to god…or the devil. Maybe somebody will notice the wreckage by the side of the road. That’ll be the best bet, wait the road did say closed for construction. Is that death on a skidoo?

3. Being paralyzed and stuck in the middle of the ocean.

The scenario: It’s a beautiful day to fish. You and your buddy. Let’s call your buddy Jet, because he’s a badass. Well you and Jet are zooming in your nice speedboat. You guys are the attention of the day. When you two flying by the babes their tops, just fly off. You are so badass that you crank up the tunes, your listening to some Motzart, but you feel it’s the symphony of destruction. Jet and you get up to the drop off point, where the reef just drops off. You and Jet are so badass that you start to drink some Rolling Rock and lots of it. You and your friend Jet start to make jokes about fishing. Jet mentions that he’s the ” Master-baiter” you and your drunken rage kill Jet some how with book about fishing, an empty bottle and a dead fish. Well your mind starts to function again seeing that Jet have been fucked up beyond belief. Since your mind has just erased the part where you killed your bud, you think there’s a monster in the water and it’d came up while you were “asleep” and raped Jet. In a quick panic you push Jet’s corpse out of boat and into the water, but taking all his valuables before you dump his dead ass out of the boat. You start to drive back to the docks so that you can tell everybody your unbelievable story. As your driving you start to drink a bottle of whiskey. What the worst that can happen, you also eat some brownies that Jet liked to eat alot. Soon you see the monster that killed Jet until he was dead. You drive the boat right into the prick in hopes of tearing it’s ass up. Well you’ve done it now, as your sky turns a purple hue and your body feels like it’s in jello. The jello is hard to move in, infact you can’t move.

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Well you come to your senses again, damn monster, ate your boat and made you paralyzed. Good thing that your wearing a life preserver…wait wasn’t Jet wearing one aswell? Can’t think about Jet, you have to worry about yourself. Given that you might drown because you are slipping out of your life jacket, slowly. Your legs start to be tugged around. Sound you notice that the sea monster is back, the butt munch. You scream in hopes that you can scare the monster away. Well it seems like you have either second or minutes before you are sea food. Huh, death isn’t anywhere around this time where the hell is he? Wait, no that’s just the monster doing a back stroke…in a black hood.

2.Trapped in a burning building.

The senario: You hate your job and your work place. The cubicals make you want feel like everybody has been sorted into boxes and ready to be packaged into the depths of oblivion. It could be worst, there could be an explosion and all your co-workers could die horribly and melt like plastic soliders. Boom! Well thanks alot now you’ve pissed of the gods. You fall over and duck under your desk in hope of it being a earthquake. You here somebody scream about a terrorist attack, you think to yourself “Shit, the odds of this happening…well I did jinx everybody. Had it coming.” You notice that there’s nobody running around like chickens without heads. You get out from beneath your desk to investigate. You notice the smoke above your head and it is just getting hot as hell up in here. You crawl to the window to see what’s going on outside. Everybody is outside, except you. As you notice the  people outside, you try to remember your fire training from your days in school. And it is getting hotter than one time with that chick that you met at the bar and- never mind that, awkward sex doesn’t matter in this situation.
The only thing that does matter is making like a tree and getting the fuck out of there. You crawl your way quickly to the only elevator. You press the button to summon it up to you. You have your hand close to the door when it arrives to see if it was in the hell-hole below. You feel now heat, just to be sure you put your hand on the door. You hear a sizzle…your hand is now in mega pain. Retreating to the escape stairs is the best idea for the moment. That and jumping out the window and that one doesn’t seem very…uhhh safe. As you crawl to the escape stairs the floor collapses beneath you. I notice that your almost out of the building you stand up and notice that the air is clean and you see a door marked with and exit sign. You walk to the door with a great big smile before an explosion blasts you into the door. Also your on fire now.

How soon will you be meeting you maker: Not only are you on fire, your at the exit and there could be some fire fighters and ambulances out there. You gain some control and barge through the exit door. To only fall down a flight of stairs. Im pretty sure that the fall wasn’t that lovely and the fire is burning through the clothes and skin. The fumes of your burning flesh slowly kill you when inhaled. You basically got seconds to live. The last image you see is death pissing your flames out.

1. Falling from a height.

The scenario: You’ve been through alot lately. Your wife divorce you, your fourth wife to be exact. You don’t have a care in the world. You’re tough, you’re a sexy person. You’ll get another babe in no time. You check out the Stuarts and she checks you out. It’s all good. Then her head explodes. Your plane is being hijacked. You take out the bastard who shot the Stuart’s face off. You ask him how many more terrorists there are. He’s tells you in plan English that there’s no more only him. You notice that his earing is beeping. Beep……..beep……..beep. You know whats going on here, your ex wife is trying to kill you. You quickly grab a parachute and unlock the air tight door. YOu open the door and the suction pulls you out of the plane. Amazingly you miss the engine. You look back towards the plane to notice that it’d not exploded. Infact for the first few minutes you notice that it never doesn’t explode. The ex must have had a plan for you to jump off the plane and die from the inpact. Then you realize that the bomb was a bluetooth headset. You feel like a dick. Well you’re getting close to the ground you should open up your parachute. you pull the string and the doesn’t work, the emergency string doesn’t work aswell. Your screwed.

How soon will you be meeting your maker: Your falling. Your picking up speed and crying isn’t really gonna do a thing for you. Maybe cursing out your ex on your phone. Nope she just hung up. The ground is getting bigger and you just finished your prarir to god and satan. You also look at the horizon. It’s a once in a lifetime view. Maybe you’ll be alive from the impact, just crippled or something. The smile on your face insures that the afterlife will be good no matter where you go. You move your sights to the ground, right before you know it. Death has laid out a target and is waiting for you to crash.