Man what I would do for to gain superpowers. The only problem is, they do tend to take horrible turns for the worst and awesome ways of making life way better. This is my top 10 list of superpowers.
10.Invincibility:
Warning: Major pansy right here.
Yeah Awesome: Being Able to take a bullet to the head and then strangle the gunner with your hands does seem really badass. You can handle pressures that normal folk can’t handle gives you the right to say “stand back ma’am I can handle this”. You can walk into fires and walk out without a scratch. You can walk into a bar and win the fight with everybody in there. You can walk into the middle of a gang war and settle the whole fight with your fists. You can skip right into a war zone and save people. You are the best damn thing out there!
Oh shit, weakness: Sure your invincible and possibly unstoppable at the least. But you still are human on the inside. You can feel things, you can see the fear inside those who are afraid of you, you could kill somebody on accident and be sent to jail. You could try to rebel and be evil, but you have to sleep sometime or you can get tired given on your type of power. Like Superman it could be a type of item that can weaken you or like the Juggernaut where if your held still you can’t destroy everything in your path. Maybe the scientists can get your blood sample or silica to make an antidote to stop your unstoppable ass.
9.Immortality:
Great game. Great immortal
That’s what i thought. Yeah Awesome: You can move along the ages of the world without death’s cold grip on your soul. Your power over life is gracious. You can go to clubs and get drunk and not die of alcohol-poisoning, well unless you have the type of immortality that matter’s with whole age only and if you get shot in face you die motherfucker die type of immortality. Hitting on girls does take time to improve on, but hey you have your whole immortality to work on it. If you do have the type of immortality in which you can survive anything and live forever than possibilities are endless. You could walk into the ocean and discover crap that some normal folk can’t. You could be sent into space and witness things that would blow your mind. You are almost a god!
Oh shit, weakness: Not a day goes by in which you screw somebody and think to yourself. “Wow, Im a million years old and I still never got with that one babe in my math class.” or “Jeez, I never thought about having so many kids. They’re all dead by now.” Your life will be plauged with the death of those who have gotten close to you. Your life will be filled with oddities, but you will leave a mark in those of who you got with and they’d soon notice at their death bed’s that you’ve never changed, literally. You havn’t change since the day you two met. Sure you could actually go to the depths of the ocean and and go away into deep space, but your memory is forever, you can never forget. If your the only immortal then your alone in the world. Your going to be completely alone and sad, the worst part is. You can’t off yourself.
8.Invisibility:
Look at the smug look on his face...oh wait.
Yeah Awesome: Ever had an embarrassing moment in which you just wanted to disappear? Remember that time that all your friends dared you to go into the chick’s locker room? Remember that time when you felt like being invisible? Well, would ya look at that you are invisible! Now remember invisibility comes with alot of responsibility, but you already knew that right…well whatever. Next time that kid starts to make fun of you, you can just get the jump on his blind ass, and by blind I mean you could possibly throw dirt or paint thinner into his eyes. it all depends on what visibility you have if it’s the kind that ensures that both you and your clothing is invisible then your all good. If it’s the kind where if your still wearing your clothes and you look like a god damn ghost, well that’s sort of a perk. I mean if you have the not-going-invisible-clothes invisibility then your going commando into the girl’s locker room.
Oh shit, weakness: Well besides the fact that your almost the master of assassins and spies you do have a few problems with your invisibility. The whole clothes not disappearing thing is not good considering that your still slighty visible. And with some account that you Do sneak into the girl’s locker room there’s a slight chance that when you do see the babes undress your “emotion” could make you visible which doesn’t really put you into a great situation. Think of all of the possibly ways of nobody finding you when your invisible. When crossing the street turns deadly. When getting into a car crash and being forever invisible and dead is pretty bad. When trying to get attention because your permittly invisible and you need help turning back. The list is almost endless.
7.Flight/Levitation:
FEAR ME, YOU PRICKS!!
Yeah, awesome: Turn your life around by skipping class and flying through the skies as fast as you can go! Your ability can make you as free and an eagle. Your probably thinking on your next destination on which to travel to, whether it’s a nice beach or cool exotic location in the Caribbean, you dont know and you don’t care as long as you fly from point A to point B. You zoom past your school, job and the boring parts of life!
Oh shit, Weakness: Sure it’s loads of fun going through the air and almost breaking the sonic barrier and possibly rob a bank for money, but have it ever occurred to you that your movements are being watched. Now dont think that other freaks are watching you or aliens are watching you. Your flight patterns are monitored by the military. Your on the radar and the government might notice you as either an unauthorized craft or ufo. Knowing any countries government, they’ll see you as a threat. Either way you might be shot down. Im pretty sure that you can’t take on a stinger missile head on.
6.Mind control:
"Now take off all your clothes and call me The Dark one."
Yeah, awesome: Your boss is a dick, a chode. He always busts your ball for no good reason. He had sex with your wife to prove something: That he’s better than you. One day you just sit there in your cubicle, twitting your thumbs. A thought pops in: I wish boss would staple he face to the desk and lights his balls on fire. Soon screams can be heard. You run to the source of the screams and surprise surprise What you thought just came true. Every little thing you think up about somebody they’ll do it. You start to move things around with your mind, weight lifting shit is easy when you can pick up a can of cola and then chuck it at a hobo. Then you’ll pick up that hobo and then chuck him at a little kid. Soon not only are you the boss of your own company, you able to create anything you can think of. Once again your almost a god!
Oh shit, Weakness: Sure you might be able to take on the world, but Im sure that with all this power your mind has been taking a toll on your whole mentality. One second your wife is in love with you then second her corpse is splattered against the side of the wall because she admitted that she cheated on you with the gardener. Skank. You can’t take it anymore, anybody that gets near you either turns into something weird like a chimpanzee that farts waffles or you turn their inards into the paint on the wall. There’s almost no way you can undo the evil things you did. Usually the government would step in and capture, dissect and experiment with your powerful brain. Hopefully you can use what power you have left and reverse time to the moment of your boss lighting his testicles on fire.
4. Shapeshift:
Ok, long story short, it's both a vampire and werewolf. Still can transform.
Yeah awesome: Transformation is badass. You want to be a tiger, your a tiger. You want to be a dragon, well dont start burning down the town. When you want to blend into a crowd all you need to do is become a different person. You are the master of disguise. Now once again there are many interpretations of shapeshifters. One is that you can only turn into a wolf…boring. Another is just animals. My favorite is everything. When you go hunting the deer wont know what fucking broke it’s neck and shot it in the brains. You could be another person and confuse them and everybody around them. Who,what,when,where and why is just what your a master at avoiding.
Oh shit, Weakness: Well after a few hundred persona changes your wondering on who the hell you might really be. i mean are you that guy who was just on the news for an alledged burglary? Or are you that girl who o.d’d on meth and you just turned into her to make her family happy again. You were somebody, but now your anybody. That and given that you do turn into somebody, that certain somebody might be on a hitlist or they might be up for a beatdown. Watch your back.
3.Mind Reading:
"So that's where they hid my remote control for the tv, the swine!"
Yeah,awesome: Ok I could be a dick for doing this one because this sort of goes in the same catagory as mind control, but I see them both as two different things. Anyway, when having the ability to read minds your life changes. One second your talking to your best friend. You then read their mind to only find out that they hate your guts and think that your annoying as fuck. You soon read the minds of people who are hiding secrets. You can slmost predict on what people are up to. Your ability to read the thoughts of others can go into the possibility of digging deep into the sub-consions of your peers and then everything starts to pour into your head, everything you want to know about that person becomes clear. Soon you can see that even the most annoying person is really just a sad little ego energized prick. If your powers become more stronger maybe interrogation could just be a blink of the eye. Hopefully you dont fully invade another person’s mind, you might make their skull explode.
Oh shit, Weakness: Yeah going into people’s minds: fun. Discovering many dark secrets and other shit that’s not really great to see: Bad. The idea is great it’s just the reality is people are fucking crazy. People have very, very disturbing minds. Like I said, you read your friends mind and then you discover that they hate your fucking guts. That’s not great to know. There’s a slight possibility that you don’t read your friend’s mind and your read that crazy kid’s mind in the back. Your head will be full of horrid images and other things that are scary on many levels. And with the possibility of making a person’s skull explode or just giving them a really evil headache could be possible if your brain is really really strong with the whole mind reading. If not you may have a backfire with your plans.
2.Ultimate knowledge:
Oh yeah, Awesome: I hate tests dont you. I also hate my I.Q. at which I dont know what number level it is at currently. Wish you knew what your crush wants? Wish you had the right answer to what the cops were asking you? Simple if your a super genious. Your whole day would be simple with school and at your job. Teacher says that you’re wrong then just correct her up the ass. The boss askes you why you have been called into his office, you can just tell him the answer and tell him something very disturbing about his wife. You can be a one man scientific team. You can find the cure for cancer, diabetes and hiv all in one month. You can make Stephen Hawkins go crazy in his robo-chair. Space travel would be a scrrible away. You are the cure to mostly what’s wrong with our planet!
Oh shit, Weakness: With a great amount of knowledge of everything it seems that your too busy with saving the planet. Too busy to pay attention of your current condition, the condition is that your losing all of your humanity. Your becoming a Doctor Manhattan almost
Say that you met this really nice girl and you two hooked up because you knew what she loved and since you know everything you knew everything about her. Well you knew her, but she doesn’t know you anymore! You have a dark side of things. You know who is who and what they stand for and they’re whole entire life basically. When your done your job with this planet, man kind will discard you like a toy. Maybe if you could travel back in time with a time machine…
1.Possession:
The usage of toothpaste must be denied in hell.
Yeah,awesome: Ok now you might be thinking that this doesn’t deserve be number one, well I have one thing to tell you. FUCK the police. Nah just kidding I have a friend who’s a police officer, he’s not a pig like the other 95%. Anyway, hate living your life with everybody ridding your ass like a camel with a fat chick on your back? Well posse a person and go on a killing spree, exit the body and then reak some more hell. If your a good enough posseror then you will leave your body and control the person or object and if you die as that person you will return to your body alive. Being picked on by some guy then posses the dude, make him walk into on coming cars and then leave at the last moment. Like I said objects can be possesed as well. Can you say floating knife fight?
Oh shit, Weakness: Well if your possession consists of your body being turned into whatever you turn into your find, but most of the time. Your body is just a shell. When you lose that husk of yours then it’s freeball for your husk-ass. Plus you could lose the time to go into something then and the time when you go back to your body. if your astral projecting then that’s completely different. If your in the form of smoke you might disappear. If a liquid then you might evaporate. Yeah this is a double edged sword right here. And you could posse something that you may not want to possess and that object might be something that goes somewhere that’s not clean…
Notable Mentions: Teleportation. Phasing.
Teleportation is something that can beat flying and super strength. I personally love this power, hallways would be simple to get through. My favorite superhereo Nightcrawler can teleport. And thanks to the whole supersede thing, he can’t get stuck in walls or people. Life would be simple if teleportation was real. The only problem is, what if you have some much on your mind that you go to the wrong place. From what I understand you have to concentrate on the exact spot that you have to teleport to. If not your going places. And what if you do teleport and accidentally teleport in somebody. Will you die or will that person explode like a paintball hitting a wall? It must be pretty tricky teleporting. Yet it’s a bad ass gift.
Somebody is gonna get a bitchslap.
While phasing through things you can go through anything, anyone at anytime. Yes this is a great way of getting through lines quicker and possibly lookng for things more easily. Your almost like a ghost if you have that kind of power. Now all of that is wonderful, but what if you turn solid and somebody is in your way? What the hell would happen? it’s a once again what if kinda qeustion. Would you two fuse together or would you both painfully die? I don’t know and I think both outcomes would bad horribly bad. But running through people and ripping out thier organs does sound fun at the least.
The Devious Titus 