Gorillaz Plastic Beach review.

Holy fuck where have I been. Well to a stupid question Ima give you a stupid answer:iguana. I digress, I’ve been having the case of the-fuck-its even when I was writing up the review for Dante’s Inferno and gave up midway. I was tired, nothing was to talk about, until one of the most innovative bands, one of the best bands in the world gave news to anew album.
Gorillaz caught my eye while I was skimming around itunes low on credits, nothing to buy for 34 cents but then I notice something with Gorillaz on it, I clicked it to find out that Plastic Beach, the 3rd Kong studio album, was going to be released in…in a couple of Week! I got my jar of loose change, cashed it in for bills then got and Itune’s card (Im cheap) then began to wait. March 8th was killing me with wait.  There I sat in my desk chair swirling around like child waiting for Santa Clause to come through my fucking chimney. I facebooked it and even myspaced it in excitement (that’s what kids do these days when they’re excited right) anyway, 12:03Am March 9th, very early in the morning I refreshed my itunes to find the album was released! I clicked it and instantly it downloaded, I was disappointed since I clicked preorder and it didn’t, but I still got Gorillaz Plastic Beach deluxe itunes edition so while listening to the album for the 3rd time, I will write the review of the album!

Being a fan of the Gorillaz since their first album I’ve been use to the music and the ever changing story arc. Yes theres a story behind the characters in fact there’s a damn book that came out 2006. They have amazed me as a kid and now a a semi-man I fully understand the lyrics and the more adult things about the Gorillaz. Their first Album blew my mind even though it came out with a G-Sides which really is just the extras that should have been stuffed unto the first album. But in 2005 a greater album came out; Demon Days. This proved to be a pinacle in the Virtual band’s music career. The album put out song’s like Feel Good Inc. and Dare. The band even won some awards and held an entire concert in the Manchester Opera house. Still many of people didn’t understand the beauty of it all. Demon Days pulled me in and changed my life. Then a three or two silence sadden me once again, but D-Sides was released. This could have been a different or completely new album itself, but it resmebled more of Demon Days since Dare and People sounded alike (because they were the same beat) yet many of the other songs were different. Then a three year silence again, but Plastic Beach was revealed and happy Gorillaz with thier nike shoes were held together when the news was said.

Plastic Beach offers a new story and feel of it all. After the El Manana incident Noodle’s absence was missed and a cyborg was constructed by Murdoc, but instead of being herself she had no personality. In short she likes Twilight and Robert Patterson and thinks of them as Icons, old Noodle called them false icons. After Murdoc kidnaps 2D and Russel chases after Murdoc to Plastic Island, there a new part of the story begins. The music, to me, feels like something that I can dance and relax to. I often find myself dancing during class, well just bopping my head up and down and moving my feet around. Gorillaz are known for continuously having famous musicians help out with their music and so they have two songs with Mos Def and the Hypnotic Brass Ensemble and strange enough, Snoop Dogg. The rest are done by many other rappers who have done songs in Demon Days and their first album like Del. If you have the deluxe edition or (by some chance) the Japanese edition you get a load of awesome shit that you should be proud to have, extra songs, which, are only orchestra music, but damn it, it’s the Gorillaz.

Out of the 18 (deluxe) songs of Plastic Beach I have at least 11 favorite songs already. The real ones that stick out of the nice and beautiful music  have got to be Superfast Jellyfish, Some Kind of Nature and Glitter Freeze. Like said about the deluxe edition, you get extra crap that’s worth it. You get the Stylo music video in HD which stars Bruce Willis (Hero) and a pair of Gorillaz that look handsomely beautiful and older, which, if your a fan or good at paying attention, can see that Jamie Hewlett wants to keep this band organically digtal and up to date.

Plastic Island is something that can ship you away to another world once you get use to the ‘Gorillaz in a happy mood’. See what I did there? For those who see it in a store and that curious feeling happens to you then I say that you should pick this, Demon Days and the self-titled album to get entirely use to it all and so that you can see the evolution of the band. But if you can only afford one, then pick up Plastic Island, you will not regret this island resort’s waters. I give this Album 5 Stars out of 5.

Top 5 executions

How you die is interesting in a psychopathic way. Would you rather be mauled to death by a rabid beaver or be raped by a clown on LSD. Now  did a whole death thing before, but by request and with enough free time I’m gonna give my list of top executions.

5. Firing squad:
History: During times of war this method of execution was used alot. Almost every country has used this method of shooting the fuck out of a prisoner. USA, Canada (I’m shocked too!), Brazil, Mexico, Indonesia, Ireland, Philippines, Finland and many more. The convict, prisoner or the condemned will be either placed against a wall, sitting, or tied to a post. But with every execution, would you enjoy your very moments staring down the barrel of a rifle? Didn’t think so. So There’s an option of either being blindfolded or actually staring down the barrel with pants shitting fear.  But A rifle isn’t the only fear installing weapon, the officers pulling the trigger can use a handgun instead you have to be turned around though, Pants shitting terror still plastered on the inside of your pants.

Usefulness: Execution by firing squads are popular in media. Escape From Sobibor, A Skit on an episode of Whitest Kids U’Know and Monty Python’s Flying Circus had a firing squad episode. But to be truthful if your a new nation trying to grow and you have a few traitors and spies during your time of war Pulling off a Firing Squad will infact be a total FUCK YOU to whoever your at war with. But you have to go through all that trial and jury shit so that won’t be much fun.

4. Nitrogen Asphyxiation:

History: Choking somebody by hand seems pretty boring and long if you don’t have enough grip, strength and time that you need to choke the convict and it’s not all that entertaining when it becomes some kind of sick eroctiasphyxiation session. But isn’t there an easier way? Why of course there is! You choke the shit out of the person with Nitrogen! Yes Nitrogen. Some jerk scientist thought that it was better to kill the person by choking them slowly until they are unconscious then or course death. In 1995 it was said to be an execution that “Kills with Kindness”…it’s a nice thing to know that they gave it a name that seems to be abit friendly with the kids of today. The situation is almost as equal to gas chambers plus nitrogen is cheap, go figure.

Usefulness: Well seeing that Argon is expensive so is Helium. Nitrogen is cheap possibly because there’s an abundance of it in the atmosphere. Given that it beats getting shot up, stabbed, hanged, electrocuted or decapitated, your still losing your oxygen supply and dying, very very slowly, but your going to sleep painfully. They took Helium out possibly because it would be fun as fuck watching the guy talk with a funny voice until he dies much like many of the Joker’s victims.

3.Crushing:

HOLY FUCK!

History: This one is interesting in the whole “Jesus Christ you just crush a person” execution style. Much like many of executions this one is simple yet fun. This execution is simplistic and entertaining. Have enough force upon your enemy and soon they will be an dead guy pancake. Like shown above, Many cultures spent their days punishing their enemies and convicts by squishing them like bugs. But sadly and thankfully many countries of today don’t execute condemned inmates like this anymore, why? I’ll tell ya why. It’s because We’re more advanced damn it!

Usefulness: Well To be honest these kinda executions are not very useful in these modern times given that many humans are now robots and crushing their metallic bodies won’t do us any good against them, they have Wifi. But Before modern times when our enemies had breakable bones and emotions; not emoticons. It was fun to see the emotion on the convict’s pitiful face. It gave many people the idea for many movie deaths and video games. Shit crushing our opponent in a video game, Super Mario Bros. basically pushed forward the idea of crush people, well take LSD then crush people/flying turtles/mushrooms. Then we all remember that death scene from Austin Powers International Man of Mystery

2.Impalement:

Double penetration?

History: This one goes far back into history and across the lands. It’s mostly known to be Vlad “The Impaler” Dracula’s favorite way of execution. Now sticking a giant sharp stick into somebody can be tricky. There  are tons of holes to stick it in; no pun intended. There were about two ways to impale a person, three if it’s a woman *wink*. The anus, mouth and vag are the three ways to impale a convict or just in general somebody who had it coming. Impaling by anus and vag are lethal. Yet of course science looked into it. By vaginal impalement your dead, but when you get impaled anally, your alive even when you have the spike sticking out of your mouth.  But you’d Of Course be in an extreme amount of pain. Broken pelvis, ribs, brutally damaged organs and of course your jaw would either detach or snap. The spike some time wouldn’t go all the way and just stop by the organs, if luck you die from being brutally raped by a spike.

Usefulness: Well it did wonder for Vlad and it still does. Seeing a vast land filled by rows of corpses and spikes sticking out of them. And for more Horrific shit points, pull a “Dracula” and drink the blood that for sure will scare the holy fuck out of your enemies. And possibly draw some unwanted followers; Vampire lovers.

and Willem Defoe

1.Curb-stomp:

History: The legacy of this execution move is mysterious, but it’s be around for a while, I’m sure that Jesus might have even performed a curb stomp on some sinners back in the day. Curb-Stomping has recently been a new and cool way to off your opponent. Yet it hasn’t been tooken up with officials yet, probably because it’s a pretty barbaric way of Offing a convict or prisoner. Making them bite curb or a rock and then river stomp on their fragile skull. Curb-Stomping is a new trend for kids these days. I mean how pissed is the dentist gonna be when the patient comes in? Right?

"This will teach you a fuckin' lesson!"

Usefulness: If your in a gang, which everybody is now an’ days, you know that doing anything violent to another gang member can leave horrific trauma into the enemy’s subconscious. No matter how barbaric it could be, this is another way to put a person out of their misery. The waiting of when the boot to the head is killer. It’s torturous and painful.I can only give one movie that I can recall that has a Curb-Stomp death scene and that movie is American History X:

Blast from the not so long gamer past: Hellboy:The Science of Evil

Hellboy: The Science of Evil. A game that was released around the same time as the movie Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. I am a fan of Mike Mignola’s work and most of the Hellboy series and Del Toro’s work with movies. The game is produce by both Del Toro and Mignola. When released the reviews were harsh. IGN gave it a 3 out of 10 and so did much of the major game reviewers of the net.

Nazi1:"Should we help Claus?" Nazi2:"Shit dude I don't think that's a great Idea."

After reading said reviews I was shocked and displaced. I wanted to play the game for so long. I heard about and it seemed like a really great game. But take it from me most reviews aren’t true. All the reviews for Alone in the Dark said that the game was horrible and pointless. I disagree, I found the game to be interesting and very challenging. Sure it had it’s moments, but I got over them.

The game is made by Konami, a hit and miss company. Their only hits have been Metal Gear Solid, Zone of the Enders and something else that I care not to remember. But also to mention that this isn’t the first HellBoy game ever made. This is the second, but its possibly the last due to the fact that not many cared for this game. The first game; Hellboy: Asylum Seeker, which was for the playstation, but is a total flop, the graphics were horrible, character design was shit and it didn’t go very well. It can be downloaded on the playstation network I think. The game takes place mainly in Romania, but takes you to places like Okinawa, Japan and a Nazi castle. Hellboy isn’t always alone, he’s either having snappy comments about his enemies, dying people or just in general skeletons that he talks to. And there’s multiplayer for you and your friend(s)

Now this happens when you don't have friends, you being the frog monster

Like I said the game is a general Beat ’em up and of course I like the story that Mike wrote up for it. Your hunting down a witch in Romania, but it starts out in a graveyard. Later you flashback to 25 years ago when your in Japan stopping an Evil Nazi’s plan. Also the Nazi has a robot-Nazi-gorilla called number 4 working for him. Then you flash back to Romania. The story is very very good, but if your a fan of Hellboy and only enjoy anything that deals with the comics or movies then you shouldn’t play this game, but if your open minded about 3 separate stories, then you can play should play the game. But honestly, fanboys keep an open mind about this.

I loved the movies and I read a lot of the books, but to me the game is an extension, of the mythos. What gets me though, is why do many fan boys hate the game, but not the movies and animated movies? Meh, cant please them all I guess. The controls are able to getting use to, but the X button will be your best friend, next to the Y button. If you have seen the movies or read the comics, you know for a fact that next to the hand of doom HellBoy uses his gun to do most of the talking. You of course get to use his gun, and it’s many types of bullets. There’s explosive, shotgun, fireflies, crystals, flowers (don’t ask) and so on and so forth. The right hand does come in handy. When you click both sticks (hah) you go into Hellfire mode which doesn’t last long, but helps when your in a though spot.

The game, of course, does have it’s many of downsides. Let’s start with the ammo. Christ when it runs out, your fucked when you need. One part of the game has to make so frustrated about this one type of ammo that you need to go back and grab some more, but when it runs out. The Nazi zombies wont die.

Except for this guy. He wasn't a very good Nazi.

The combat isn’t that bad, there’s no combos, just only x-x-x-x then that’s it, a few Y’s here and there, but that’s it. Done. You can charge your right hand of doom, by holding down y, but your enemies can get a good hit on you by then. Sometimes, you can get achievements for doing stupid things like jumping off a cliff 20 times. Killing 25 or 10 or 50 enemies with certain weapons. I guess those can be good things, I guess. The game leaves out most of the characters that are able to be played. Like Abe and Liz. I’m a fan of Abe. Liz…not so much. Lobster Johnson, yeah funny haha, but total badass.

The enemies are difficult and very annoying. In the Romania level, when your in the town, Hellboy can be ridden by the homunculus (I think that’s what they are), they tell you the controls to take them little bastards off your back, but it rarely works. Also some of the boss battles, are short lived and aren’t very, boss like.

Then there are some who act like bosses, but die like bitches

The good side is that, it’s Hellboy, c’mon you can’t get more awesome than that. Your gun cant keep the enemies back so you can get a few good punches in there. The Y button also helps puch away a lot of enemies. The one-liners do help keep Hellboy more funny and well in character. The settings are great and right for the Hellboy universe. The enemies are cool and makes me love the game more. Since it’s a beat ’em up it has to be repetitive, it suits the game well. The character designs are almost reminiscent of the animated series ones. Hellboy’s finishing moves on his enemies are funny and badass yet repetitive. Some of the puzzles can be tricky, but everything has an answer and if you can’t get by them then just continue beating the ever loving shit out of your enemies with your fists, swords or the many types of ammo that’s at your disposal. The extras are fairly enjoyable. Behind the scenes, interviews and beautiful art.

Now for the decision. The game offers up little bad gameplay and controls, but honestly it can be forgiven. The controls aren’t a complete train wreck and the graphics aren’t either. All I’m saying is that if it was suppose to look like the comics then it’d would either look like cel-shading or just sharp, but no it’s more of the animated movies kinda style. The music, direction and style is all picked out by Del Toro. After you immerse yourself within the universe long enough and have an open mind about what your playing then you stop caring about the little parts that are bad. The game should have been put out on the marketplace instead of being sold in stores. The setting and atmosphere keep me attracted, so does that art and characters. In order to love a game like this you don’t have to be a fan at all really. Yet if you want to be more understanding of the world and characters then you should probably start reading some of the comics and watch both movies and both animated movies as well, for good measure. If you played the game and disagree then fine. But give me your reasons why you hated it and don’t be a troll. Hellboy: The Science of Evil gets a 3 out of 5 in my book. Its a rental, or if you have sometime to kill or if your in the mood for a beat ’em up then go for it.

Book of Eli Review

Pictured above: Awesome

The book of Eli takes place on the west coast of the post apocoylptic wasteland known now as America. Eli is the main character of the story. He carries a book that is the only of it’s kind since the War. The book holds the ability to save this wasteland and to rebuild the country, but only if it’s in the right hands. Yeah spoiler alert its a fucking bible, but like I said. Its The Last Bible in the World. They dont give much info about who we were at war with, but whoever they are they destroyed ever single bible, except that one, but because it was hidden under rubble.

The year is 2043 and Eli (whose name we find out later in the movie) has been literally asked by god to deliver the book to the location in which mankind is being restored and so is civilization. Eli, who is a complete stranger to us, is well gifted in almost every sense and in combat and firearms. So this movie insures the best action and best violence that a rated-R film can deliver. The movie is a drama/action flick that does the job right.

Much like any other post-apocalyptic world; you can see the destruction that the many nuclear winters have brought upon the landscape after the nuclear destruction to most of the world. So after many of the people who were put underground until the world was cleared, got out and started to rebuild they faced some complications such as
-Food
-Water
-Shelter
-Friends
-Family
-Money
-and much more
But this world isn’t like most of the movies, there isn’t zombies, monsters or anything out of the ordinary. It does have raiders and cannibals, but nothing mutated or horrific. So basically the movies is very down to earth in that sense of realism other than God talking, that’s just crazy.

Soon after witnessing a raping and a murder, Eli goes to a town to get his battery and ipod recharged. He sees the raiders that raped and murder that woman and her man. He goes across the street to get his canteen refilled and to deliver some holy mother of god asskicking to most of the people in the bar, because they wanted some of Eli as well. Soon the man who owns the town, Carnegie, wants to find the Bible and use it as a weapon and a force to rule over the town and many more of the people in the area. He soon discovers that Eli just killed the shit out of the guys in the bar and wanted to use Eli as a weapon of force to expand his little town, Eli denies, even when Carnegie sends his lover’s daughter, Solara, to seduce him, but as a man of god Eli denies it. Then afterward a war for the book starts.

The story is very unique, but very menial plot holes are here and there, but in order to get rid of them you have to use your mind and smarts. at first when I seen the trailer for the movie I thought to myself that it was basically Fallout the movie and I wasn’t very far from the truth. The script was written very well and that the badies of the movie were very pissed and evil that they lose a few guys just to get a book. Also Denzel also did a great job playing a religious badass. He did all his combat stunts and Eli was very loyal to the bible and did almost everything to keep it away from Carnegie and his men, who are illiterate.

The movie has some great explosions and violence, but it’s not on the gore level of Fallout or many action movies, its realistic and that’s what gives it its charm. The bleak and destroyed world is interesting and almost seems real. The movie itself has about two or three boring parts, but never stops with the intriguing dialog or Eli’s awesome ability to kick alot of ass. The ending though isn’t that bad, but almost leaves you wondering on if there should or shouldn’t be a sequel. The movie also reminded me of another post apocalyptic movie, A boy and His Dog. If you have not seen it yet and you love apocalyptic movies then you should check out both movies. I give the Book of Eli 3 1/2 cannibals out of 5.

Left 4 Dead 2 Review

Last year a game was released. Left 4 dead. The wait of the game made many zombie fan’s mouths water with the thirst for zombie killing good. Both Pc and xbox360 owners were given the chance to kill as many zombies as they can. The game was phenomenal and gave Valve the chance to make more decisions with what the fans wanted in the sequal. And Valve didn’t disappoint.

Left 4 dead 2 was made and with it came a game that was to be able to make up for what Left 4 Dead lacked. In the first game, it had four separate stories. No Mercy, Death Toll, Dead air and Blood Harvest. The game had potential. Soon after almost a year, Valve released DLC for the game, to connect No mercy and Death Toll. Before that came a new mode called Survival. This DLC is free, unlike the DLC after it which were to be paid for. The game did great with the competition, but there were one problem I felt with it. It got stale and boring. I couldn’t play it after the multiple times of playing it over and over until I got tremendously bored and went on to play something else. There was almost no stories and the campaigns didn’t connect with each other therefore left me with a boring dull shell of what could be a fun zombie killing game.

Though many fans started a campaign to stop Left 4 Dead 2 from being made into a game and not simply DLC. But Valve just laughed at them and continued onward to making a great game. The game still had competition with Modern Warfare2, Assassin’s creed 2 and many other titles. But to some Left 4 Dead 2 is a great game and is a title that deserves to purchased. Now when I seen many of my friends playing it I was angry that I dont have the money to buy it, well after weeks of saving change and doing chores I bought the the game and here’s my review.

When I played and beat the first game I felt as if there was alot missing and those parts that were missing could be made up for with a  sequal. And they did! Left 4 Dead 2 takes place in the southern states of America. Just like the last game, after the opening credit which gives way for the first campign of the game. The game now gives you 8 melee weapons to slice, dice and general to killdeathmurder the zombies with. And once again, the game has loads of references to more zombie flicks. Saun of the dead:Cricket paddle. Dawn of the Dead(Remake and original):Mall setting and chainsaw (which honestly I think everybody wanted even if it isn’t related to the remake). ZombieLand: Highway part of the second campaign. There is more, but right now I’m focused on the game not the references. The game now does have a story that you can follow so play the campaigns in correct order.

The zombies are now more smarter like they were suppose to be in the first game. They now flood in from every open spot in the game, but I did see a zombie spawn once and die…it was like the game aborted the zombie. :C
Anyway, the graphics have been improved and the game seems more fleshed out then the last one. DLC has even been annouced due to one of the campaign’s iconic rock band. There are even two new type of ammo. Incidinary and explosive. But both are a pain to set up, but nice because you open the box on the ground so both you and your friends can take some. The game has little fun achievements in it. Like in the campaign Dark Carnival there are two achievement that you can get by playing two carnival games. This adds more to the replay value for me.

There are three new zombie types. Charger, Spitter and Jockey each new and vile in every sense. The game has the ability to make a simply little horde a living hell for you. The AI director can now recognize player stress levels and add more tension to make it harder for you to play against twelve or twenty zombies with addition of the three new and old special zombie types. Another new addition is the two new in-game modes. Survival which was originally a DLC for the first game and Scavenge mode. The game has alot more guns to kill with and a new grenade. Boomer Bile. You can pick these up when you kill a hazmat suited zombie. These grenades can attract normal zombies unto whatever you throw it upon. So if you have the grenade and there’s a tank in your way, so theres no funner way to kill it with other than Boomer Bile. You can watch that said tank be torn apart by common zombies. And alot of them will attack so there’s no chance of the tank fighting against the lots of them. Also there are clown zombies, they’re funny in a dark sense of humor, also they might be a reference to ZombieLand.

Left 4 Dead 2 is just another great game that is hidden by oh so many other great games. I reviewed this game because I wanted to show that this isn’t just some other shooters out there, this game is a shooter that has Zombies, Gore and isn’t Fallout3 or Modern Warfare2. I should though Review Assassin’s Creed 2 and Modern Warfare 2, but out of the sequals that came out Left 4 Dead 2 takes the cake…for now. I might just do a Review of Assassin’s Creed 2 and Modern Warfare 2 just for the hell of it. But if your bored of listening to others talk about what prestige they are in COD or what does The Truth mean then play Left 4 Dead 2. Its a fun and exciting game to play. I give this game 4 1/2 decapitations out of 5.

The Top 5 movie plots that could have been solved with in minutes.

Movies are the shit. If it weren’t for movies we would be bored as hell. We’d only be able to write books, read books, watch tv, play video games and have nothing to take a date to. But as much as I love movie there are some that are just horseshit stupid. Like plots that even a monkey addicted to smack and speed could figure out. So in honor of the new disaster movie, 2012,  this is my list of movie plots that could have been solved in seconds!

5. Never Back Down

Plot: Jake leaves his school with his older brother to go live with their widowed mother. At the new school he gains a rep. because he went apeshit on another football player from the opposite team. A hot chick invites him to a party where there are a bunch of guys are kicking boxing. Soon Jake goes into the ring and gets his ass handed to him. The hot chick is digusted at her boyfriend, Ryan, who continously beats the every living shit out of Jake.

The hot chick breaks up with her boyfriend, he goes crazy and hurts her via hard grip to the arm. He says something about her weak father, Jake gets angered because his dad killed himself by drinking and driving. Ryan makes threats towards Jake and hot chick.Later Jake gets taught martial arts by Mr.Echo from Lost. He fights Ryan and wins both the girl and the fight. He also wins the top rank of being school popular.

How this could have been solved: Now when your in a fight it’d be a pussy of you to back down and take a civil way. But when you get your ass kicked, threatened and your friend’s ass gets kicked twice. You would have figured a better way of solving this problem. You have literally tons of choices to either avoid future ass kicking or giving the future ass kicking. Now to be civil you could challenge the person to a duel. No. Not Yu gi oh (fucking geek). A duel from the early years of the world. Two people get a weapon of choice, they get a distance the fire upon each other, the winner is decided by who ever lives!

Now there two more options I’d like to mention. The first is to just take thier ass to court and sue the ever living shit out of them. I mean how many accounts of harassment are there that said person has violated? I mean shit you and those who got harassed could get the millions off of the douche.

The other option is simple, do the whole duel thing, but with a twist. Make the person the hunt and you the hunter! I mean it is fair game and there’s nothing like a good hunt. I was gonna say to just blow a hole through the fuckers face.

4.The Day the Earth Stood Still (both).

Plot: An alien saucer lands in Washington. Klaatu and his robot Gort have come from a higher Archy of universal council, which says that if earth does not stop harming itself or in the original get rid of the nukes. Gort  or the council will kill the human race until we’re dead. Klaatu walks out of his ship then BAM! He gets shot be some asshole who thought that he was gonna get probed again.

Klaatu then sneaks away from a hospital, befriends a young boy. Later he meets the boys mother. In the original Klaatu gets shot…again. He is then is raced to the ship which he is then healed. He then leaves earth but with leaving the message of the council. In the remake he sacrifices himself to stop the ship from cleaning the planet of humans and other things. Then the movie ends.

How this could have been solved: Well first off, who gave the damn order to shoot the fucking peaceful alien? Second, if some alien flying around in space sees both movies they’ll get the idea that man kind is just a bunch of trigger happy dumb-shits that enjoy fucking around with aliens that come in peace with a message. I mean shoot, Klaatu didn’t even see the ladies who sell their goods down by the corners. I’m surprised that after all of the shinnangins that he got into he just didn’t show mercy and blow up the planet without double taking while the earth exploded into little space pebbles.

All ya'll can stick this up your ass I'm outta here.

3.Little Shop of Horrors.

Plot: Seymour buys a plant that appears from the sky and soon it grows and feeds off of blood. Yet as it grows it gains more of a taste for human. Seymour then kills his boss. His love interest’s boyfriend; the dentist. Near the end the plant has a plan of it’s own. Now depending on which version you see either the play or the film it matters because in the play, Seymour and Audrey are eaten by the plant. In the movie Seymour and Audrey manage to kill the plant.

How this could have been solved: Burn it…That’s all I really have to say. If that plant asked for more then a drop of my blood I would have threw that little prick in the fire place or just stomped the hell out of it. I understand that Seymour Really liked the plant and wanted to get Audrey, but to me I would have burned the little monster and then focused on the girl. Killing my boss so that a plant that talks, has teeth and loves the taste of blood would be fun for the entertainment value, but in reality I would have sold that damn plant to Ripley’s holy shit you better believe this or not. I understand that the plant got the shop alot of money flowing in, but when it told Seymour to off his boss just to be fed, Seymor should have just made a make it yourself flamethrower. Home made shit always work, right?

2.War of the Worlds. (remake)

Plot: A normal day turns into a living hell when lighting strikes the ground, but the lighting carries pods that shoot into the ground which from what I can remember those pods go into the war machines of the Martians! Tom Cruise plays a father that tries to make the best for his two kids when the Martians start blast people into dust with thier heat rays.

Martians are jealous of Earth because we’re the closest to the sun and we have a beautiful planet while they have a very shit planet. They invade us, steal people so they can us our blood as food, but WAIT! The Earthly germs of Earth are too deadly for their pansy alien asses. They soon die out and then Morgan Freeman gives a narrating speech on how the Martians died out because of the fucking flu. Also Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning and Justin Chatowin all live.

How it could have been solved: Hmmm germs. Dont we have alot of those guys running around in our air don’t we? There had to be a meeting of scientists that were figuring a way to defeat the aliens. At that meeting there had to be one fellow scientist that said “Hey, do you guys think that using biological warfare against these invader could give us an upper hand? If we send in a person infected with some kind of deadly disease don’t you think that whence said person is being fed upon the disease will kill the Martians?” Then the entire table must have either given him death glares or just burned him at the stake like a witch

You guys suuuuuucccckkkkk!!!

But really there had to be some kind of suggestion that included the words viruses, illness, poison, aliens, bomb, idiot, Tom Cruise, Stephen Spielberg, please, don’t, look, at, me, like, that, NO! and a death scream. I mean shit mankind had biological warfare before the book and the movies were made. Cortez used germs against the Aztecs. H.G. Wells is one of my favorite authors and Steven Spielberg is one of my favorite directors/writters. He could have been a bit smart with the movie and take a different path with the movie. But then again he still did a great job with the movie.

1.Transformers:

Plot: Socially awkward yet cool kid Sam Witwicky gets a car because he has good grades, this car happens to be a transformer which is secretly out to get him so that the Good guys the Autobots can find the Allspark before The Decipticons do and resurrect their glorious leader Megatron! The Autobot team take Sam and Megan Fox for a trip to get the Allspark back, but Bumblebee, Sam and Megan are taken by Section7, a government made sction that specializes in transformers. Soon Megatron gets freed and then a mega million dollar all out fight between the Autobots and Decipticons are held. Autobots win because Sam blows up Megatron with the cube and then the sequel is setted up.

How this could have been solved: Ooooh wow Titus you can’t stop hating on Transformers. You hate because its awesome. Actually I hate because it has everything that idiots like. If you look into a movie for hot chicks, funny black people, Shia Leboof, Millions of dollars spent in making a film, Crappy looking robots and a horrible story then you should shove our head into an outhouse and start drinking the fluids that are in said outhouse. I will admit the movie is cool, but when I do actually look at it from a very good view as in a uniqe view. The movie is just put out there not for the nerds and fans of Transformers but for people to just watch and give Micheal Bay the money to do another shitquel- I’m sorry sequel.

The plot is so stupid and yet so easy to be solved. The Autobots make it so difficult to get the cube that they lose Jazz to Megatron. They could just told Section7 “Hey guys were here again and we need your help. The Decepticons are trying to kill some dipshit that has glasses that lead us to the Allspark. Ummm this might seem like a big favor, but can you guys just tell us where you can find a giant cube? we really dont have enough time sending our good solider to this kid so that he can bang Megan Fox in the back seat. We are being honest when I say that ‘we come in peace’.”.

The autobots could have had this whole problem solved within days and possibley without the help of Shia Leboof. Now don’t get any ideas like I have it out for Micheal Bay’s Tranformers films. It’s just that if you want to make a film that will piss me off, then just make a movie that has a very obvious plot that can be solved with a simple thing called thought then Micheal Bay has done it and it has a sequel and soon to be another sequel. If there is to be some kind of boycott of these movies then I’d gladly join up for it.

Video of the weekend

Aw yes another Borderlands Episode. This is the last episode of Clap Trap’s torturing and enduring story of making the game Borderlands…Im not going over Borderlands Look below for the fucking Review!

Video of the week!

If you have read my review of Borderlands (and if you haven’t I will kill your pet falcon) and you know that the game is just pure Game of the Year material. I was looking for videos on how to get a certain gun in Borderlands and I stumbled upon this episode. There are only two so the video of the weekend in gonna be episode two. Clap-trap is just fucking insane,  I mean he is trying to pull off a Christian Bale. You know to go completely apeshit on the set of Terminator.