How you die is interesting in a psychopathic way. Would you rather be mauled to death by a rabid beaver or be raped by a clown on LSD. Now did a whole death thing before, but by request and with enough free time I’m gonna give my list of top executions.
5. Firing squad:
History: During times of war this method of execution was used alot. Almost every country has used this method of shooting the fuck out of a prisoner. USA, Canada (I’m shocked too!), Brazil, Mexico, Indonesia, Ireland, Philippines, Finland and many more. The convict, prisoner or the condemned will be either placed against a wall, sitting, or tied to a post. But with every execution, would you enjoy your very moments staring down the barrel of a rifle? Didn’t think so. So There’s an option of either being blindfolded or actually staring down the barrel with pants shitting fear. But A rifle isn’t the only fear installing weapon, the officers pulling the trigger can use a handgun instead you have to be turned around though, Pants shitting terror still plastered on the inside of your pants.
Usefulness: Execution by firing squads are popular in media. Escape From Sobibor, A Skit on an episode of Whitest Kids U’Know and Monty Python’s Flying Circus had a firing squad episode. But to be truthful if your a new nation trying to grow and you have a few traitors and spies during your time of war Pulling off a Firing Squad will infact be a total FUCK YOU to whoever your at war with. But you have to go through all that trial and jury shit so that won’t be much fun.
4. Nitrogen Asphyxiation:
History: Choking somebody by hand seems pretty boring and long if you don’t have enough grip, strength and time that you need to choke the convict and it’s not all that entertaining when it becomes some kind of sick eroctiasphyxiation session. But isn’t there an easier way? Why of course there is! You choke the shit out of the person with Nitrogen! Yes Nitrogen. Some jerk scientist thought that it was better to kill the person by choking them slowly until they are unconscious then or course death. In 1995 it was said to be an execution that “Kills with Kindness”…it’s a nice thing to know that they gave it a name that seems to be abit friendly with the kids of today. The situation is almost as equal to gas chambers plus nitrogen is cheap, go figure.
Usefulness: Well seeing that Argon is expensive so is Helium. Nitrogen is cheap possibly because there’s an abundance of it in the atmosphere. Given that it beats getting shot up, stabbed, hanged, electrocuted or decapitated, your still losing your oxygen supply and dying, very very slowly, but your going to sleep painfully. They took Helium out possibly because it would be fun as fuck watching the guy talk with a funny voice until he dies much like many of the Joker’s victims.
3.Crushing:
HOLY FUCK!
History: This one is interesting in the whole “Jesus Christ you just crush a person” execution style. Much like many of executions this one is simple yet fun. This execution is simplistic and entertaining. Have enough force upon your enemy and soon they will be an dead guy pancake. Like shown above, Many cultures spent their days punishing their enemies and convicts by squishing them like bugs. But sadly and thankfully many countries of today don’t execute condemned inmates like this anymore, why? I’ll tell ya why. It’s because We’re more advanced damn it!
Usefulness: Well To be honest these kinda executions are not very useful in these modern times given that many humans are now robots and crushing their metallic bodies won’t do us any good against them, they have Wifi. But Before modern times when our enemies had breakable bones and emotions; not emoticons. It was fun to see the emotion on the convict’s pitiful face. It gave many people the idea for many movie deaths and video games. Shit crushing our opponent in a video game, Super Mario Bros. basically pushed forward the idea of crush people, well take LSD then crush people/flying turtles/mushrooms. Then we all remember that death scene from Austin Powers International Man of Mystery
2.Impalement:
- Double penetration?
History: This one goes far back into history and across the lands. It’s mostly known to be Vlad “The Impaler” Dracula’s favorite way of execution. Now sticking a giant sharp stick into somebody can be tricky. There are tons of holes to stick it in; no pun intended. There were about two ways to impale a person, three if it’s a woman *wink*. The anus, mouth and vag are the three ways to impale a convict or just in general somebody who had it coming. Impaling by anus and vag are lethal. Yet of course science looked into it. By vaginal impalement your dead, but when you get impaled anally, your alive even when you have the spike sticking out of your mouth. But you’d Of Course be in an extreme amount of pain. Broken pelvis, ribs, brutally damaged organs and of course your jaw would either detach or snap. The spike some time wouldn’t go all the way and just stop by the organs, if luck you die from being brutally raped by a spike.
Usefulness: Well it did wonder for Vlad and it still does. Seeing a vast land filled by rows of corpses and spikes sticking out of them. And for more Horrific shit points, pull a “Dracula” and drink the blood that for sure will scare the holy fuck out of your enemies. And possibly draw some unwanted followers; Vampire lovers.
and Willem Defoe
1.Curb-stomp:
History: The legacy of this execution move is mysterious, but it’s be around for a while, I’m sure that Jesus might have even performed a curb stomp on some sinners back in the day. Curb-Stomping has recently been a new and cool way to off your opponent. Yet it hasn’t been tooken up with officials yet, probably because it’s a pretty barbaric way of Offing a convict or prisoner. Making them bite curb or a rock and then river stomp on their fragile skull. Curb-Stomping is a new trend for kids these days. I mean how pissed is the dentist gonna be when the patient comes in? Right?
"This will teach you a fuckin' lesson!"
Usefulness: If your in a gang, which everybody is now an’ days, you know that doing anything violent to another gang member can leave horrific trauma into the enemy’s subconscious. No matter how barbaric it could be, this is another way to put a person out of their misery. The waiting of when the boot to the head is killer. It’s torturous and painful.I can only give one movie that I can recall that has a Curb-Stomp death scene and that movie is American History X:
The Devious Titus 